There are certain times in my life when I do not want to talk about myself. It's when I'm feeling certain things haven't panned out as I'd hoped. I feel insecure about things I've done, things I'm trying to do and things that I will hope will happen. I feel incredibly sensitive to people's reactions, and my reaction to this is to generally shut down.
I hide. I retreat. I burrow away.
But this, in turn, only intensifies the feelings. It feeds the seed within me that says, "Yes, you're correct in thinking you deserve to be judged." For me, these are often career things, but we all have our own version of this. Sometimes we don't want to talk about our relationship status. Other times it's whether or not we have kids. Maybe it's the fact that we wish we stood up for ourselves more, or that we didn't explode in anger so often. Or perhaps it's all of it in general. An overwhelming sense that we're not where we want to be and we hate it.
These are the times when we need support more than ever. What I have come to learn is that hiding my truth only makes things worse. More often than not, when I share that I'm struggling someone can relate to what I'm saying. They've been there. And they're glad I shared, because it gives them a sense that they're not alone. Also, once I say it I usually feel a sense of relief. Like what I was thinking wasn't so big.
It was only big because I built it up in my mind.
But it does still happen. In fact, it happened recently when I went to a group meditation. A place I should feel very secure. A place full of warm and loving people. But there was something inside of me that was dreading the, "So what do you do?" question. I could feel it burning up and I couldn't concentrate on the meditation. I was all lost in my own fears and insecurities.
Then some words, so simple in nature, popped into my head. A mantra that came out of nowhere.
"I am where I am. I've been where I've been. I'm going where I'm going."
When I heard these words I instantly relaxed. Repeating them inside of me relaxed me even further. There is a power in them that is more than the sum of the words. The meditation below is built around this mantra. It will help you to feel into the fact that wherever you are, that's where you're meant to be. There is no background music in this one because I felt it was important to really let you be where you are. To hear the sounds around you. To feel into it, and to let it be a part of the meditation.
Download this meditation below. Right click on "Download File" and select "save link as..."
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