Grit is living life like it's a marathon, not a sprint. - Angela Duckworth I've recently been listening to the audiobook Grit by Angela Duckworth, which I highly recommend for anyone who's either trying to find purpose in their life, or cultivate the strength to succeed with the purpose they feel called to. It has so many insightful and motivating things in it, but it's not your typical motivational book. In fact, it's more of an exploration of why people have grit, or the capacity to continue on in the face of adversity. Through this exploration, there are many stories that helped me to see, first of all, what it is in me that keeps me going and facing challenges, and also, what it is in other people that I don't have (but want) that gets them to continually rise back up and overcome obstacles. One thing in the book that struck me was a discussion on what makes us feel hopeful and what makes us feel hopeless. The author has a PhD in psychology, and therefore is aware of and shares a vast array of psychological studies. One of them was on this subject of feeling hopeful or hopeless. What she shared is that a hopeful feeling comes from a sense of feeling you can control something. When you feel hopeless, it's because you feel you've lost all control. I never connected these two feelings before, and I was only able to see this in my own life because I have recently begun feeling I can control something. I have learned, through a regular meditation practice, that I can control my feelings. I can control how I respond to things. Basically, I have let go of trying to control my outside world and have put all my eggs in the basket of my inner world. And don't you know, I have been feeling so optimistic and hopeful lately that it's like I'm seeing a new world. Angela shares that feeling hopeful is crucial in being someone that overcomes obstacles and setbacks. She also shares that for many people, the feeling that they can't control something comes from negative self talk that speaks as if these states are permanent. E.g. "I am a loser" is a permanent state. When you think this, you believe it's fixed - it's out of your control. It just is. On the flip side, when we phrase things in a way that tells us we can grow and change, we feel we have CONTROL, which makes us feel hopeful, such as, "I feel like a loser because my presentation went bad. However, with public speaking classes, I can master this skill and succeed." Next time you are feeling things are utterly hopeless and you are stuck where you are, ask yourself to find something you can control. You can always control something. As I've learned, you can control your thoughts. You can trade a negative one for a positive one. You can control what your body is doing. You can stand up and go for a little walk when you feel stressed. You could even jump up and WHOOP for no reason at all. I'm not say you will. But you could. At the very least, you can control your breathing. Right now, you can take a deep breath in at will. You can hold it. And you can decide when to let it out. Take another deep breath. Focus on it. That's you doing that. That's something you can control. When you feel you can control your happiness, or your stress, you become more confident in your ability to keep going. This does not change the obstacles you face, but rather gives you the courage and willingness to keep going. You don't try to change what others are doing, or how the world responds to you or views you, but rather you change how you feel and what you believe, and you go from there. This, in turn, makes you feel hopeful. And when you're hopeful, you find a way. When you're feeling hopeless, you give up. So keep coming back to the hopeful. Keep coming back to your breath, that beautiful thing within you that you can control. You can do so much more than you believe you can. As I've learned through this book, the capacity to keep going, to find your grit, is more important than your talent, intelligence and education combined. In other words, it doesn't matter if people seem more qualified than you. What matters is that you keep going. Successful people are simply people who never gave up. For more on Angela and her book Grit visit her website. You can take her grit quiz there and find out how your grittiness compares to others on average. Not feeling you have so much grit? Don't worry about it. Remember, who you are not is a fixed thing. You can change. You can grow. You can evolve. You just have to talk to yourself in a way that affirms growth. I may not feel gritty now, but with a meditation practice, I can master these negative thoughts, and that will make me more resilient.
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Clay is shaped into a bowl, but it is the empty space that makes it useful. - Lao Tzu Emptiness is something we often think of as bad in this world. To feel empty can mean we feel sad or lonely or even depressed. But just like so many things in life, how you look at it can give it at a completely different meaning. To feel into a space of emptiness within can also be a good thing. It can be a space free of mental clutter. It can be a feeling of peace, openness and lightness. It can be a space where we feel in harmony with everything, just as it is, without feeling a need to do anything. It's a space where we sit comfortably with ourselves and the world, free of borders, just open and free. This kind of feeling can be found in many ways, and one is meditation. When you tune into that quiet, soft, slow space within you you empty out all outside distractions. And when you have created that empty space within, you are ready and able to receive. You can receive new ideas, fresh energy, a deepening of connection to your spirit, and a deeper connection with your own self. You can receive a new perspective, one that is free of the one the world around you is trying to impose on you. With everything out of the way, you can receive what is true to you. You can receive that which can't be put into words. That which can't be seen or touched with our physical selves. You can receive that feeling of something more, something bigger than you, something cosmic, that you cannot quiet explain, you just know it when you feel it. Today, you might try meditating on being a cup or bowl. Imagine you are empty and ready to be filled, and energy from above is pouring into you. This energy could be pure love, bright light, God, the Universe, whatever you want to fill yourself with. Hold this visual, breathing slow, just seeing it pour in and fill you, your spirit and your life. And then, return to the exciting and active world we live in knowing your soul has been nourished. You are full of what's real and true, and you are ready for whatever life presents. One of the best ways I know to shift my energy into a state of lightness, ease and receiving is to meditate on the words, "All is well."
It's a simple phrase, but sometimes the simple ones do the most. I repeat the words while allowing my mind to drift where it wants. Sometimes I will focus the words on my body. I will repeat All is Well while visualizing the cells of my body in their fullest expression of health and vitality. I will see a white light filling every cell, flooding me with healing energy, while repeating All is Well. I will repeat All is Well while flowing the words through my bones, my muscles and my organs. I will send the words and energy of All is Well up to my mind, and see my mind as sharp, creative and energized. Other times, I will repeat All is Well while allowing the words go out in an open way. I will see them like ripples, going out through my room, my house, my city and out and and out and out, making me feel that All is Well in my entire world. I let the words flow, bringing me into harmony with where I am. It doesn't matter what's happening, because I start to tune into the feeling that all is well, all is working out for me, and I just have to keep going. If you'd like a guided meditation with "All is well" I have one in my audio blog. It's free to stream and download, and you can get it here. The cells of my body are on loan from this world. They are a gift from the earth. I did not manifest out of thin air. I was first created from the nourishment I received in my mother's womb. That nourishment came from her own intake of the earth's gifts. As I grew, my body became able to recreate, regenerate and heal its cells on its own. I was no longer connected to a placenta, but instead, I began to take in foods grown from the earth's soil. I began to drink water, the water that is our planet's streams and lakes, the water that is life. And I took the first of many, many breaths. With my own lungs I breathe the oxygen of the earth's atmosphere that is essential to every single cell of my being. I am made of this world. I cannot exist without this world. The cells of my body are on loan from this world. Right now, they give my soul a space in which to exist in this rich and dynamic physical world. My soul merges with the flesh. When my body is gone, so then is my connection to this world, and back I drift to the mystical place from which I came. But for now, I am here, and I am able to move, breathe, think, speak, feel, cry and laugh because of the gift of a body. The cells of my body are not mine. They are simply partnering with me for a temporary time, gifting me with all they do so that I may, for a beautiful but brief moment, be a soul in a body. The cells of my body are infinitely wise, and they know exactly how to use the gifts of the earth so that they may form bones, muscles, nerves, tissues and all the parts of me that I think of as me. The cells of my body are a gift, and I will treat them as such. I will not lament the cells of my body for looking too fat, too thin or anything else. Instead, I will wish them the utmost joy while we are partnered together. I will wish them feelings of freedom, health and vitality. I will wish them to be imbued with a sense of innate strength. I will wish them to know that I appreciate them, and I will wish them to know that I understand they are not mine, but a loan, a gift, a miraculous support system that allows me to be here. I will wish my cells to have all they need to feel their best while with me. I will wish them to feel connected not just to me, but to the whole Universe, to the stardust from which all of this majestically was birthed, and I will wish them to remember that they are as divine as the Ohhms that are created in my physical chest, and that vibrate out and out and out, right back out to the stars. Ohhhhhhhhhhm. I am I am I am. I will wish my cells to enjoy the journey we go on together. I will wish them to know that no matter what, no matter how much it seems they are in disarray, we are in this together, and I will love and value them until my last breath. And when I go, I will wish my cells a beautiful transmutation into something else. Where will they go? What will they become? I may never know. I only know that for now, I am here, partnered with this body that allows me to sing and dance. And just for this moment, I shall close my eyes, take a deep breath, feel my body, my breath, my existence, and say thank you. Auras are a fascinating thing. We've all at some time sensed somebody's energy. Perhaps an angry energy. Or a loving, welcoming energy. On some level, we knew there was an energy field radiating from them that we picked up on. But what are auras? Is there any science to the concept that we have fields of energy around us that tell people about our health and emotional state? The first thing we need to know in order to dive into auras is that our bodies conduct electricity. Often times people compare a human to a computer, and there's a lot of fair comparison in that. Our brains send impulses throughout our bodies using electric currents. Essentially, electrons flow throughout the billions of atoms that compose our bodies, sending a myriad of messages. From HowStuffWorks.com: When we talk about the nervous system sending "signals" to the brain, or synapses "firing," or the brain telling our hands to contract around a door handle, what we're talking about is electricity carrying messages between point A and point B. The second thing to understand about ourselves is that we consume and produce energy. We are energy bodies. If you've ever felt the warmth of another person's touch what you've felt is energy. Heat is a source of energy, it's thermal energy, and it's one of many possible stages energy can move through as it converts its form. If you're alive then you're radiating heat, and if you're radiating heat you're radiating energy. So if auras are energy, then your aura really does begin inside of you, with your body's self-created heated, and radiates out, flowing out through the pores of your skin. And if you're alive, you're also sending messages throughout your body. The heat that radiates from your body comes from the same source as the electric pulses. Which means, it's entirely plausible that those currents of thought, feeling and emotion really are affecting your aura, or your bioelectric field. It makes sense for a merging of the two, as our bodies are essentially many separate components that operate as one. Every aspect of our body affects every other aspect. You really might be radiating the thoughts you think and the things you feel. But why do some people say auras have colors? This is where the science ends and belief begins to take over. I'm not saying it's a belief because auras don't have color. I'm just not aware of any studies done on why or how any aura would have color. As interest grows in our nature as spiritual beings, these kinds of things do get looked at more. We may see science explore this in our lifetimes, but if not, nothing says we can't ponder and wonder about it ourselves. Basically, color comes from various wavelengths of biomagnetic light energy. Longer wavelengths appear to us to be red, and on the short end you have purple. Color is entirely based on perception and the way our human eyes perceive those wavelengths. So can auras have color? I suppose so. But it's hard to break this down because we see auras with our inner sight, not with our physical eyes. There's a possibility that we give auras color because that's what color we associate with them. In other words, let's say someone has a lot of anger in their energy field from a lot of rage-filled thoughts. A person who senses their energy might associate anger or intensity with red, and therefore, they "see" a red aura. What they see is true, because it's a reflection of what they're perceiving. But another person may "see" something else, based on their own color associations, and that would be equally valid. Whether auras have color or not, we do radiate energy, and we do send thoughts and feelings as electric impulses within our bodies. Maybe those electrical currents, made up of messages that tell us who we are and what we're doing, merge with the energy. If so, then we do have an aura around ourselves that is a general map of our emotional and physical state. So right now auras are a mixture of science and belief. There's certainly a lot to think about though. I keep visualizing the constant stream of thoughts that emit from my mind through a day, running through me as pulses and currents. I then see them merging with my energy and radiating out of me, and it does make me want to be more conscious of what kind of a cloud or aura I'm surrounding myself with. If my energy is drawing more of the same to me, since this is a Universe where like attracts like, then I certainly want my aura to work in my favor. But please never feel you have to smother so called negative thoughts or feelings. If something is crying out for your attention, let it be heard, see what it's trying to show you, and then let it wash through you (this post called "Feel What You Feel" might help). I recently came across this article in Scientific American about the importance of embracing all feelings. I have written on the importance of embracing negative thoughts & feelings on my blog before. You can read that post here - it's still one of my favorites. This excellent Scientific American article focuses on why an ability to feel and work through a range of emotions is key to a healthy mind. I hope there are more discussions on this, because I have noticed a real trend in people obsessing over being positive ALL THE TIME. This is not possible, and also, counter productive. Sadness, anger and fear show up for a reason. They're showing us something. Along the same lines, I have noticed a trend of people demanding others to be positive all the time also. This is part of the reason we feel guilty for expressing sadness or regret. There's always someone shouting back, "Be positive! Be grateful!" This is rarely what we need to hear. More often than not, we need space to feel what we're feeling. We need to be heard, and to be able to get to the root of why these feelings are rising up. And we need to not be afraid of other people's feelings, and know that if someone is sad and it makes us sad, it's because we forgot that we, at all times, have ultimate power over our own thoughts and feelings. Someone else's sadness or anger does not have to dictate how we feel. We must remember our own inner strength is more powerful than anything that comes from outside us. I hope you get a chance to read Negative Emotions Are Key to Well-Being over at Scientific American. Below is a quote from the author, which I found to be so well said. In my psychotherapy practice, many of my clients struggle with highly distressing emotions, such as extreme anger, or with suicidal thoughts. In recent years I have noticed an increase in the number of people who also feel guilty or ashamed about what they perceive to be negativity. Such reactions undoubtedly stem from our culture's overriding bias toward positive thinking. Although positive emotions are worth cultivating, problems arise when people start believing they must be upbeat all the time. |