You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something - your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.
- Steve Jobs
Comments
You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something - your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life. - Steve Jobs There are times in my life when I get swept away by doubt and worry. It always feels like I've swum a bit too far out in the ocean when there's an undertow. I try to tell myself I'm fine, I can get back to shore at anytime. But the more I fight, the more I seem to be moving further away from safety. The further away I drift, and the more the shore shrinks, the more fatigued I get, until I give in, letting the current pull me down into the dark depths of fear, hopelessness and sometimes even despair. Afterwards, I always wish I'd stopped this before it got so out of control. What did I achieve by allowing myself to be consumed by worry? Nothing in my life has ever been made better by worrying. Nor has anything ever improved because I fed my fears and sense of limitation. After experiencing this enough times, I decided I needed to always have a lifeline to shore. I needed a constant tether to my heart. It's my mind that whisks me away, and it is my heart that always rescues me. When I feel my mind tempting me, just asking me to come out a little further, telling me it's natural, it's where I belong, it's familiar, I don't even consider testing the waters. I pull on that rope and go right back to the warm, sandy beach. There is only one way that has ever worked for me for this. It's very simple, and sometimes the simplicity of it is what keeps other people from doing it. All I do is repeat the word trust in my mind. Slowly, gently, softly. Trust. Trust. Trust. If it feels right, I put my hands on my heart as I do this. I breathe deep. I close my eyes and put all of my focus on that one word, repeating. Trust. Trust. Trust. As I relax and let go of all that unnecessary mental gymnastics, the mantra usually grows. I trust myself. I trust the Universe. I trust what I don't see. I trust God. I trust God sees me, and is working for me, and it's all coming together. I trust. I trust. I trust. I trust I'm good enough. I trust I will know what step to take next. I trust all is well. If you are struggling to overcome your own lingering doubts and fears, try this exercise. It's very simple, and in my experience, so reassuring. You can even make it a part of your meditation practice, which will layer the trust inside of you deeper and deeper each time you do it. As Steve Jobs said, there are few things more powerful than trusting in forces, whatever those might be for you, that you can't see. In my last post, I mentioned that I signed up for a French program online. As I said in the post, the idea was not to become fluent in French (which sounds hard and overwhelming), but to have fun playing with the idea of newness. It's a way to break up old neural patterns in my brain that I no longer want running, and to literally lack the tracks for new pathways. Part of my motivation for this was the book I'm currently reading, Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself: How to Lose Your Mind and Create a New One. This is one of the most fascinating books I've read on what I can only describe as bending reality to your will. I have heard this concept said before by some of the most successful people - most notably, by Tim Ferris and Steve Jobs. Both of them seem to have this innate understanding that reality does not begin outside of us - it begins within. Believe, align and expect - don't ask, just expect - and it will be. But how? I mean is that really a thing, or does it just sound cool? So far, this book has made me not just believe in this, but understand it in a way I never could before. What's amazing about this book is it doesn't just postulate on what sounds like The Force from Star Wars. It's written by a doctor, and he goes into fascinating detail about electrons in the quantum, unlimited quantum potentials, and how since we are made of electrons, we can tap into these unlimited potentials anytime we want - but only, and only if, we are willing to dismantle our hardwired ideas about ourselves and embrace something entirely new. I am having so much fun reading this book. I constantly call my friend about it, read passages, and discuss them with her. It's just so illuminating that I have to talk about it with someone (and I am truly blessed to have a friend that lets me do this!). Not only did this book get me motivated to pickup some French vocabulary - Bonjour! Merci beaucoup! - but it also got me so fired up for change I have been getting up at 5AM for certain things. For years, I have gotten up between 7:30 and 8:30 AM. And guess what - waking up the same time almost instantly kicks my autopilot on as soon as I'm out of bed. I do the same things, expect the same things... and almost always, get the same things. I will say more on what I'm doing at 5AM, what's happened so far, and if I feel it's worth it. I will also say some more about a concept in this book I had also heard before - basically, that you can contact your future self through the quantum. Not in a "I just ate mushrooms and I am trippiiiiiiiiin" kind of way. But in a very real, and very mystical way. More to come on that! For now, here's one of my highlighted quotes from the book (it was hard to choose - I have highlighted so much): So ponder this: Everything in the physical universe is made up of subatomic particles such as electrons. By their very nature, these particles, when they exist as pure potential, are in their wave sate while they are not being observed. They are potentially "everything" and "no thing" until they are observed. They exist everywhere and nowhere until they are observed. Thus, everything in our physical reality exists as pure potential... If this intrigues you, Dr. Joe Dispenza's book is available on Amazon.com. If you grab a copy, let me know what you think. I'm on page 93 of 310 and cannot wait to read more.
I just signed up for 3 months of French study at Babbel.com, and I have to tell you, I'm pretty damn excited.
I have always wanted to learn French, but there were several things that kept me from diving in. The first was the belief that I couldn't do it. I would never really understand it, I would never be fluent, so why bother? The second was fear of embarassment. I used to feel really stupid and helpless when I would try to speak in another language, but a few years ago I ended up learning Dutch through an unexpected twist in my life path. This broke through the barrier that told me I couldn't do this. And that's all you might need too - to just believe you can do it. Trying to speak and think in French makes me uncomfortable. And this, in essence, is why it's important. When I think of the things I really want, the big dreams, they involve some uncomfortable steps. It involves talking to people who might be a little intimidating. It involves putting my work out to a lot of people, people who will comment, support, reject and interact with my work, and that can feel uncomfortable too. I only know of one way through this - which is to embrace the art of being comfortable with being uncomfortable. That probably sounds like a huge misnomer. How can you be comfortable being uncomfortable? What I mean by this is, when something sweeps in and you feel off center and out of your element, you maintain a certain level of inner connection to your true self - the Self that is bigger than fear and connected to a higher feeling of strength and calm. Instead of retreating into yourself, wanting to disappear from the world as you feel your body succumb to anxiety, you find the place within you that navigates this like a masterful captain at sea. So let's say you sit down to discuss a business idea with a potential new client or partner. You have dreamed of this moment! You're about to take the next big step in your goals! How exciting! But this person has a lot of questions for you, and they're grilling you like they're the FBI. You can't read them, they look displeased, but maybe they're just trying to understand what you're presenting, and it's all pretty intense, which makes your voice get shaky. The words are coming out like marbles are in your mouth. A sweat is breaking out on your forehead. Ugh! Discomfort! You want to bail, to run for the bathroom and crawl out the window and never go back. But... wait. You know this feeling. You've felt it before. And it passed. It actually wasn't a big deal at all. So you take some deep breaths. You put your shoulders back - this is no time to shrink. You remember you're here for a reason. You're here because you did something that impressed this person enough to open this door. You're struggling - but that's okay. You're not afraid of these feelings. You're not overwhelmed by discomfort. You tune into that place within you that feels centered. You take another breath, tune in deeper, and relax your body, which relaxes your mind, and you can think again, and ahhhh, there's the words you couldn't find a moment ago. And now you're okay. You can do this. It's not exactly a home run, but it doesn't need to be. All it needs to be is you, living your life, reaching for the big dreams, and knowing the fear of failure and discomfort does not hold you back. Instead, it's a challenge, like a boulder to be climbed, that does not block your path, but instead, strengthens you and prepares you for the mountain you will one day ascend. Learning a new language isn't the only way to open this feeling that you welcome in new and unknown things. You could also try a sport you've never done before. One of the reasons we continue with things as adults is because we've become good at them, and that feels good! But if you go out and try something totally new, such as playing golf for the first time, you're going to be a novice. There isn't that feeling of mastery and achievement there. But that's exactly what you want! Don't worry about the people who have already mastered what you want to try. The whole point of this is that you don't know what you're doing! And I know - that's awkward and you feel unsteady and unsure. But just remember, you are the person brave enough to put yourself out there. That courage is going to ripple out and touch all parts of your life, including the ones you want to illuminate but don't yet know how. For me, learning French is not about one day being fluent. It's not about mastering this - and whew, that already takes a lot of pressure off. It's about trying something new, and saying to the Universe, I welcome in new things. It's also about creating new channels of thought in my brain, about allowing my brain to stay plastic and flexible and open to change, which in itself has so many benefits. And most of all, it's about having fun, about feeling playful with the unknown, like it's an old friend, rather than a stranger I dread and fear. "Sometimes you meet someone who could change your life. Sometimes you feel that possibility. That sense that, in the presence of this celestial body, you fall into a new orbit; that the ground beneath you is more like a trampoline; that you may be able - with this new person - to create things more beautiful and useful, more fantastic and more real, than you ever could before."
- from Powers of Two by Joshua Wolf Shenk Like most people, I have experiences with my family that make me feel some intense emotions. These experiences always feel so dynamic, so immediate, like everything is contracting around me, when I'm in the thick of them. It usually feels like it's all there is, as if I've never felt anything before and will not feel anything different ever again. There's an overwhelming infinity to them, which will suddenly break and I will wonder afterwards why I allowed myself to be so consumed by it.
A lot of these experiences center around a close relation that has a mental illness. The experiences I've had with this person have shown me not just about them, their struggle, and their journey, but about me also. I have not always responded with kindness, compassion and love to this person. I have sometimes been too angry, and other times, been too passive, feeling powerless, and done other things that I think of with regret. I know there are a lot of people who say regret has no place in a spiritual life, but I beg to differ. Regret tells me I don't like how I reacted, and that I would like to choose different the next time. Regret tells me I let my ego get in the way of choosing love instead of fear in the moment. Regret tells me I am capable of self-reflection, which is key to a spiritual life. I am growing, learning and living life, full on and full in, right along with everyone else. Regret only becomes a problem when we do one of two things (or both), which is to hold onto it and only it, and never get to the learning part, or, when we mix it up with feelings like guilt and shame, which do not serve us, but only muck up our energy. Recently, this person came to visit for almost a week. When they were here I felt my world contract. Everything became focused on them. Sometimes the focus was on what they were doing. Other times it was on how much they were annoying me, and how all I wanted was my space back. I know, I know. This is not kindness. This is not compassion. This is me focusing on my own self-interests. But I have come a long ways in how I interact and react with all of this. Setting boundaries and not ratcheting up into anxiety when things go haywire is something I have already worked on a lot with this. So this person was here, and my world closed in. That feeling of everything pressing in is the opposite of how my life normally feels. I cultivate feelings of openness, peace and calm in my personal space. Having someone come in and shift it all made me agitated. I felt so much TENSION the whole time. As I felt this, it reminded me of when I read about how a string instrument, such as a violin, makes music. When the bow touches the string it pushes on the string, putting enough pressure on it that the string becomes tense. This tension causes the string to vibrate while the bow is pulled back and forth. This vibrating disturbs the air around it, and the vibrations, or disturbances in the air, go out to us. They vibrate the hairs in our inner ears, and we hear this as sound. None of this, when being described, sounds pleasant. Pressure, tension, disturbance. But then the bow lifts and the angelic music of the violin drifts out and it's... perfect. And then you add in other instruments, a cello and a harp, and all that tension together harmonizes. Soothing and beautiful sounds merge together to create something that nourishes and uplifts our souls. While I was in the throws of this person's energy, I was feeling that pressure. I reminded myself that this wouldn't last forever, and that when I had my space back, I would appreciate it in a way I hadn't in a long time. And when that time came, yes, it felt like sweet, sweet music. I know that without this person, my spiritual journey would have much less color and depth to it. It's easy to sit in a room, breathe deep, meditate and call myself a spiritual person. It's another to feel someone right up in my space, throwing my world into disarray, and to see everything that goes with it, the anger, the powerlessness, the tension, the chaos, and ultimately, the quest to feel unconditional love, as a part of my spiritual journey also. There is beauty in the quiet and the calm. There can also be beauty in the tension and the pressure, particularly when we see them not as obstacles to life, but as experiences that enrich life, asking us who we are when we are faced with all of life's most colorful aspects. |