Beginning an inner journey
There always seem to be just as many reasons not to start an inner journey as there are reasons to start one. One reason people stop is they begin to feel selfish or guilty. I've created another post on this here that I hope will help alleviate those feelings in you. Another reason is the fear that it'll take too long or cost too much energy. I wrote a little something about this and how our fear of change ends up costing more energy in the long run here.
What is it that holds you back personally from wanting to change? For me, it was the fear of seeing who I really am. I was afraid if I looked inside there wouldn't be any evidence contrary to what I currently saw. I was terrified of finding that I was weak, angry and depressed all the way to my core. It seemed better not to know, because then I at least had the hope still alive. If I found out I was as ugly inside as I believed I was, what hope would I have then? What a heavy thought! Fortunately I took the risk anyways, and it was quiet the journey through all the muck, but in time I found that my fears weren't based in reality. What I believed about myself were all just thoughts in my head. Who I really was in my heart, that was something worth seeing. It wasn't until much later that I realized that the journey inside isn't so much inwards as it is downwards. It's one that takes you from all the swirling and consuming thoughts in your head down to the peace of your heart.
I know it's easy for me to say you should take this journey also because I'm on the other side of it now. Before I began nobody could have assured me that I would like what I'd find. There was just so much junk in the way. So much thought clutter. That's why I am so grateful you're here and so very honored. The journey inside is one that takes courage and determination to begin. With all the distractions in our lives it's so easy to put it off until tomorrow, or next week or next year. Sometimes we tell ourselves we'll be in a better place then because of x, y and z. But the thing is, you have to create that better place. The better place will arrive when you decide for it. And you can do it, you can, one step at a time.
I want you to know that whatever comes up for you during your journey, it's okay. It's okay if you find stuff you don't like. In time, you'll find a way to accept that it was once there for a reason, and when you're ready, you'll let it go. It's kind of like your inner light is buried in the dirt. You'll have to dig a bit to get there, and you'll wonder just how far down you have to go. As you get closer it'll start to shine through, and this is the part that can sometimes be the hardest. It's when you know it's there, but there's still dirt and debris on top of it. At this point it can feel like a back and forth dance as you waver between fully bringing up your light and clearing out this dirt. But one day you'll see your light so clearly that you'll forget it was ever buried and forgotten. You'll dust it off and think, all that dirt, all that darkness, that wasn't my light. It was only around the light. This is me!
I honor your courage for considering turning away from what you've probably known your whole life (which is living in your head). Change is scary, and even though I know you'll be delighted by what you find in your heart, I have no doubt that it takes a lot of will power to even consider going there (but never forget I believe you can do it!). I don't want to change you or ask you to be someone else. I only want you to be happy and to find your light. I hope I can help make that journey a little easier in some way. Below are the guided meditations I created. I created them with honest consideration to what I thought would be both gentle and effective.
The Golden Thread: This meditation is great for returning to feelings of connection and wholeness. It's a great place to begin because it lets you fully be where you are without having to consider change or release. It's kind of like a beautiful point of acceptance. You will do some deep breathing and go into a total state of relaxation.
The Magic Cloud: Here you will begin to let go of things that might weigh you down or hold you back. The process is gentle and doesn't require any deep prodding. You can begin with general thoughts, like "I'm tired" or "I'm depressed." You can also let go of work, stress and obligations. The point is not to clear it all or dig deep into your past. It's simply meant to clear what's on the surface so you can start to remember your self-worth. After you clear a little space the Magic Cloud will come in and begin reminding you of who you really are.
Mountain of Strength: Here you will journey a bit more into patterns and thoughts that hold you back. You will try to release specific thoughts, events or patterns using bubbles. The focus won't stay on them too long though, so don't worry you're going to feel more down than when you started. As soon as you do some releasing you'll go into the essence of the meditation, which is building your mountain. This process will really ground you into the Earth and offer you deep levels of healing. You can do this meditation over and over until you feel you've released what needs to go and that your inner strength begins to reshine on it's own.
Surrender & Allow: This one is kind of a middle ground between the Magic Cloud and Mountain of Strength. It can in some ways be used to assist both. If you find something won't release during the Mountain meditation the process of surrendering might be what you need to get the flow going. And if you just can't seem to get any good thoughts or feelings inside you during the Cloud meditation, the process of allowing in this meditation might help you to open your inner doors. It's very gentle, supportive and relaxing with soothing ocean sounds and a very subtle background music track. This is one of my favorites.
Energy Refresher: I use this meditation the most because it does so much in only 15 minutes. If you feel like your motor is running out of gas and you don't have the energy to even begin your inner journey this one might help. It's got a really neat healing tone in the first half (more on that on the page the meditation is on), and then transitions into soul-soothing Gregorian monk chants in the second half. The best thing about this meditation is that it grounds you into yourself, pulling back in all your scattered energy. It's kind of like a warm welcome home to you.
Open & Expand: This meditation is different from the others in that it's the only one that really focuses on going outwards. It will take you far beyond what you consider the borders of yourself. You'll first begin a process that will open you up to change using a cocoon image. You will then journey to the far reaches of the Universe. It's a beautiful journey and one that could offer some much needed support to any other meditation you're doing. When you just feel completely stuck and like nothing is working, then perhaps it might be time for a dramatic change of perspective. Sometimes that's all you ever needed, to just view things from a new or wider angle.
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