​I had stumbled across HU on a bulletin board and I couldn’t deny a powerful feeling that it was important.

​Furthermore, I felt a continual urging to meditate on HU every day for 40 days in a row. I was intrigued but also conflicted. How could I give up that much of my precious time to sitting and chanting? What if nothing happened and the 40 days was a waste? What if EVERYTHING happened and I was so overwhelmed I couldn’t handle it? What was even causing this urging? What was beyond me that was sending this calling to me?

It was this endless stream of questions that got me to begin my 40 days of HU. It was like looking at a guide book for an exotic land and knowing that if you traveled there it would forever change you. The desire to fulfill my curiosity propelled me on, and I had no idea then that this really would be an adventure. I was having my first experience with adventures in cosmic consciousness, and rather than board an airplane, I would sit each day and travel to the furthest reaches of my soul.

Each day of using HU I received profound insights that changed the way I viewed myself, this world, the Universe and even the concept of life itself.

Near the end I had one that opened me up in such a way that prepared me for the BIG one, the one that changed everything. In this initial moment of expansion, I continually heard the question in my mind during meditation, “What makes you amazing?” I tried to answer with what I felt were positive and honest things, such as I feel I’m amazing because I’m intelligent. I feel I’m amazing because I’m adventurous. I feel I’m amazing because I’m funny. And so on.

But I was receiving a distinct NO back, a tangible feeling that I was not tuning into the real answer, and these answer were based on a purely human perspective. I needed to go wider, and it was then that I began to open up to everything. I felt myself go deeper into my meditative state, but it was a paradox, because the deeper within I went the more my mind and soul opened outwards. I stayed within my body, I was aware of my body, but I was also one with the mountains and sky, the rivers and the forests, and all the while I was being shown that THIS is what makes me amazing.

I am amazing because I AM the mountain. I am amazing because I AM the night sky. I am amazing because I AM the fast flowing river that travels across continents.

​Breathe in the energy of a new day.
Breathe out all that's behind you, all that's done.

Today is a day you will be supported by the whole Universe.
Today is a day all your hopes and dreams will be heard by the Divine.

You are not alone today.
You are loved and supported by all that keeps this world alive and moving forwards.

Your deepest desires are held in the hands of your Creator, 
where they are protected and nourished as they are brought to life.

Today is a new day, full of new possibility.
Today is a day of your own design.

What you think about today will create the world around you.
Think about what you love.
Think about what brings you joy.
Think about what makes you feel alive.
Think about the flowers blooming, the birds soaring, and all that is well, right outside your window.

Today is a new day.
​Breathe in the energy of a new day.
Breathe out all that's behind you, all that's done.

I wish you many blessings and moments of joy and love today.

​Melissa

One of my favorite things to grow in the garden are sugar snap peas. As they grow, they put out these curly, grabby tendrils. They then grab onto whatever they can that's nearby, using it for support, and creating these beautiful swirls with their vines. It's one of nature's perfect art forms.

Every morning, I come out and admire my sugar snap plants. I love how the sugar snaps emerge from soft white flowers. I love seeing the delicate vines and leaves swaying in the breeze. I love the sensual curl of the tendrils, as they hug their support system. And most of all, I love the taste of sugar snaps! You can eat the whole pod (and you should!), beans and all.

I hope you find something today that brings you joy also. 

Much love my friends.

​Melissa

​The last few days I have felt myself sliding into feelings of doubt and fear.

I kept trying to fight it, to bring myself back to hope and optimism. But this morning I couldn't do it. And so I didn't. I didn't get up and get to work like I usually do. I didn't read the news or listen to a podcast. Instead, I sat quietly in my chair, looking out the window.

I sat with my heavy feelings. I sat with my fear. I sat with my worries over the future. I sat with the feelings of discord and breaking apart that keep rising up around me. I fought nothing and surrendered to it all. 

After awhile, I started to remember simple things that are still beautiful and perfect about this world.

​Snow slowly falling over pine trees. Morning fog that makes everything feel soft and calm. Rain drops on the window. Hugs from friends. Fiction books, travel books and pretty much all books because books are the best. And so are libraries. And so are people who work in libraries. People can be pretty great.

As my feelings softened I didn't leap right from the heavy feelings to the light. I wasn't ready to jump out of my chair and shout my happiness to the world. But I had come back to my center, and from that centered place, I asked myself if sitting around all day, paralyzed by heavy feelings, is what I want to remember myself doing when I'd felt stuck while facing a challenge.

I made some coffee and thought about it more.

If my future self was looking back on me, twenty years from now, what would she want to see me doing? What will she be glad I did? What will she want to change? 

As I sipped my coffee, I could feel that thinking of things I still love about this world was a positive step. It was getting me back to my inner light. I could feel that I want to focus more on what I want, rather than what I'm afraid of.

I also wanted to honor my need for rest. Fear and doubt generally come from a place of not feeling secure in myself. If I try to fight the fear, it's going to fight me right back.

It was time to pause, breathe, and remember that I am deeply loved and cared for. It was time to know that my future self would thank me for resting, because that rest recharged me enough to get back in there, dream bigger, and reach higher.

If you're feeling lost, afraid, or just overwhelmed, try this simple yet powerful exercise. Close your eyes, and imagine you future self walks into the room. What does it want to tell you? How did it get where it is? What would it want to change about the path you're on? What would it say to comfort you and to remind you of your potential?

Aside from making meditations, my main creative passion is screenwriting. I am not a filmmaker, but I do love all things about film, and so I recently joined a team of people who set out to make a 5 minute movie in a 48 hour period.

It was all part of a "film race" that began last weekend. On the day the film race started, we were given a genre, a prop to include, and a line of dialogue to incorporate. Without knowing our genre, nothing could be written until the start of the race. It was very exciting!

We received the genre of mystery. All teams also received the same prop - a lighter - and the line "Nothing a little elbow grease can't fix."

Thanks to the incredible kindness and generosity of a local family, we were able to film at a real Victorian mansion. Known as the "Crow Mansion," it had the perfect setting for our mysterious thriller.

We spent over 12 hours filming on Saturday, and I learned so much about what it takes to make a movie. We finished up our shots on Sunday, and the directors went home to continue working on editing. I volunteered to make the movie poster because I love creating graphics. 

​I only had a few hours, and I was a little nervous I wouldn't do the team justice. But with a shot our director took of the house, I had a solid starting point. I edited the photo in Photoshop, added some text, and sent it off.

Last night, the top 16 films were shown, and ours was one of them. It was so fun and amazing to see our film on the big screen! It was also incredible to see so much ingenuity and passion from the other filmmakers. I'm so unbelievably grateful to have been a part of this.

The other films were so good I had zero expectations of winning anything. And then to my surprise, we won top student film! The poster I made flashed up on the screen and my jaw dropped. I have to say, it looked really cool towering over us. The directors were given a copy of the poster, which is a great memento from an amazing weekend.

A big thank you to everyone that was part of the 48 hour film race! I can't wait to do it all again next year.

"No one else can do what you do," is an oft used phrase to motivate and inspire people.

In other words, no one has the perspective you have. No one has lived the life you have. No one will express themselves in the way you do, and the fact that you have your own unique way of doing things is powerful.

If you were to write a song, no one would sing it in just the way you do. If you were to create a shirt, no one would design in the exact same way as you. No one would teach, heal, or speak the same as you. You will have ideas and ways of executing them that will be entirely unique to you, and because you can put new things into the world, the world needs you!

Sounds great, right?

​I guess so...

To be honest, for most of my life, this motivational message did not motivate me. It terrified me. It pushed on all my self-worth issues and made me not want to show up at all.

If I put my unique work out the world, which is essentially me putting myself out there, what happens if no one likes it? What if people don't actually want it the way I do it? What if my way is in fact the worst way? What if I'm in the way of someone better? What if my own unique perspective is one no one relates to? What if people just absolutely HATE what I put forth?

Does that mean they hate me?

And this is where people would say, "Don't worry what other people think!"

Uggggggggggggggggggggggh.

I mean seriously, UGH.

We're constantly telling each other not to worry what other people think while living in fear of being judged ourselves.

Can we all collectively stop telling each other not to care? We care, okay. We all care. Telling people not to care is like telling them not to be human. People never stop caring. We just put up walls upon walls, which is not the same as not caring - it's just shutting off the flow of our feelings. This in turn causes a major backup in the emotional system, which leads to depression, anger, and sickness.

I don't want you to get depressed and sick. I do want you to know it's okay to feel sensitive to other people's opinions. It doesn't mean you're not tough enough. You're not failing in some way. It's challenging to put yourself and your work out to a cynical and critical world. Especially a world where our humanity depends on us listening to each other and keeping our hearts open. 

If people tell you that you should follow your passion because you're unique, and the world needs your unique vision, and that scares the shit out of you, I can relate.

​In this world, achievement and ambition is almost always valued over self-love and self-care. And so for that reason, we are often quicker to encourage someone to "go for it" than we are to ask them how they feel and if they feel ready.

And so, if no one's asked you, are you ready to pursue this thing that scares you, or do you need a moment? It's okay if you do. In fact, I would prefer you took that moment to pause and breathe. That moment of recognizing your feelings and valuing them, that's the thing that's saying, I'm here, I'm alive, and I'm worthy of being heard.

You cannot value your unique gifts if you do not first value yourself as a person.

I wish you could. I know it seems it'd be so much simpler if we could do our thing, have everyone tell us how amazing it is, and then our self-worth would explode. But that would actually have the opposite effect - it would make you entirely dependent on other people's approval. It would not raise your self-esteem. It would just cause you to live and die based on outside opinion.

The only way to truly put your unique work out, and feel good about it, is it to start with a solid foundation. Start with you. Nurture yourself. Treat yourself like precious cargo. Do whatever you need to do in order to see yourself as a valuable and unique member of team humanity. Go to therapy, meditate, talk to a coach, float in an isolation tank, read all the self-help books you can. I've done all those things and more. 

It took me years to build up the kind of foundation I needed in order to value my unique gifts and perspective.

It did not happen over night, and it did not happen because I charged ahead and overpowered my fear and did it anyway. I have put things out to the world when I was scared, insecure, and did not feel ready. It did not help. It only made me more scared.

How long it will take you to build your foundation depends on where you are and where you're coming from. I have no idea what kind of life you've lived nor how big your dreams are. All I know is, you have something to do that's entirely unique to you. And you will share and do that thing when you feel ready and in a way that feels good to you. Your way might involve two people, it might involve 20,000, it might involve the whole world.

​It's all up to you, cause it's your life, and only you get to decide what your heart and soul need.

​Human beings are artists.

Before the age of mass media, by which you can passively sit and be entertained, the only way to get through the dark, hard times was to make stuff. And everyone did.

​My grandparents were dairy farmers who lived in the depression. They were literally almost losing the farm every single month, and they had to deal with sickness and poverty and way too many kids. And they were Swedish Lutherans who lived in Nothern Minnesota. You can't get a more grim life than that. At the same time, they were artists, and they made things.

My grandfather made beautiful silver jewelry. My grandmother made everything, and everything she made was beautiful.

They helped to provide me with what I think the definition of art is, which is anything that you make that is more beautiful than it needs to be. My grandmother made quilts because it was cold, and they couldn't afford to buy them, and it was also a really good use of rags. All of those things are very pragmatic. There's no reason those quilts needed to be as beautiful as they were. She could've just slapped some rags together and thrown 'em on top of her kids and been like, "Goodnight!"

But instead, she spent months on it because it pleased her. It was necessary to her happiness because it's what we are. I feel like the entire Universe is a big creative project that's on going. There's this static state version of the Universe, which is the sort of Biblical idea of it, which says, "The Universe was created and then it stopped. And we're just rattling around inside of it." And then there's the actual truth about the Universe, which is that it's being created.

It's creating itself and it wants to be more complex, more beautiful, bigger, bolder, stranger, and so it's constantly working with new form. So literally every single piece of energy in the Universe is going in the direction of expansion, invention, creativity, the new, strange combinations that make no sense - this is what's happening in real time.

That's what the river and the current of energy of the Universe are. Whenever we step into that and make stuff and participate in that we are healthy because we're being backed up by literally all the energy of the Universe. And whenever we step out of that, and stop being creative, and become passive, the reason we get sick is because we're going against the entire grain of the Universe.

It's unnatural not to make art. It's no wonder you feel heavy and depressed and lethargic when you stop your creative flow. It's because you're in the wrong direction. There's a field that's going this way, and you're going the wrong way or no way at all. And so when you enter into that stream, you're healed. You're healed by everything else that is also going in that direction. 

I get really upset when I see people stuck.

It makes me anxious when I see people who want to be doing something and they're not doing it. I think part of the kind of physical anxiety I feel is similar to watching an animal in a cage and the door is open. And the animal is pacing in the cage, and you're like, "The door is literally open." And the animal is like, "Get me out of this cage! Get me out of this cage!"

​When they release chimpanzees back into the wild, they open their cages, and the jungle is all around them, and the chimpanzees literally do that - pacing, circling the cage, stuck inside of it. They could just walk out. But they don't know what the wild is, and so they stay in there, freaking out.

The jungle is your natural habit. The cage is an artificial reality. It's like you've been living in captivity, but that's artificial. What's natural is the wild.

I want you to come out here, and come into the jungle where you want to be, and play, and make things, and make noise, and try stuff. Because it kills me to see you in that cage. 

Take a deep breath

 Let it out slowly

 Feel your body move with the breath

 Take another breath, feeling your whole body move and respond.

​Notice your shoulders rise with the in breath,
​and your stomach shrink with the out breath.

Each breath is a moment of freedom

It's a moment to feel your body rising and falling as it responds to you.
You choose to breathe, and so you breathe.

Whenever you feel you've lost control, that you are no longer the director of your life, return to your breath. Only you can make you breathe. Only you can stop your breath.

I choose now to breathe in.
I choose now to breathe out.

Each deep breath is a moment of your own design.
You command yourself to breathe and so you breathe.
Breathe in the freedom of this beautiful union between mind and body.
Breathe in the intimacy that is shared only by your own Self.

Breathe and know that freedom is always just a breath away.

When you return to your breath, you return to your point of power.
From there, you recenter with all the power, energy, and help that the whole Universe has available to you.

You are powerful
You are breathing as one with the Universe
You are the Universe breathing

I breathe in, the Universe breathes in
I breathe out, the Universe breathes out

I am the Universe

Breathe and know that all is well. 

​You got this.