Many years ago, a friend told me about a documentary called Kumare. It was about a man who wanted to examine and expose the concept of gurus. Is there truly something divine about gurus? Or are they merely self-aggrandizing people whose perception of reality is distorted in their own favor?

Vikram Ghandi, the creator of this documentary, decided that there was only one way to find out. He would try to become a guru, and if he could do it, then perhaps it would prove that gurus are in no way gifted with divine, god-like energy. They are just people who, for whatever reason, believe in their own ability to shine.

And it's this very thing - the ability to radiate so brightly from within that people are drawn to you - Vikram wanted to prove is within everyone. His intention wasn't so much to expose that gurus are fake, but to help everyone realize they are as spiritual, wise, and worthy as the gurus. The only difference is, the non-gurus haven't learned how to believe in themselves.

When I first watched this movie, I was all in with what Vikram was doing. I was already feeling wary of the side of spirituality that can be dark and exlpoitative. I was aware of several current "gurus" who are really cult leaders, and also of a spiritual retreat that had ended in manslaughter charges due to the reckless and narcissistic behavior of the out of control leader.

I felt the film was thought provoking and did a good job of reinforcing the message it was trying to say. I left it feeling Vikram had done well, and that his work was an excellent contribution to the conversation around spirituality, healing, and faith work.

However, upon recent reflection, I began to feel different. I began to feel I hadn't been compassionate enough to the people who were conned by Vikram. In truth, I hadn't even seen them as being conned. I saw them more as accidental participants in a much needed experiment. I can see now how my need to feel an emotional distance from them sprang from my need not to see myself reflected in them.

The people who showed up to meet and interact with Vikram were in a vulnerable and trusting place. They were sometimes in great pain, and they were looking for a way out. They were not looking to feel duped, which in truth, would only increase their pain and sense of unworthiness.

And I myself was often drowning in deep, bottomless pain then. I couldn't get a hold on my anxiety. I hated everything I did and almost everything about myself. I often wanted to escape my own self, and this inability to be at peace with myself had led me to continuously seek relief and answers. I  was constantly looking for answers outside of myself, whether that be in teachers, writers, speakers, or energy healers. I was desperate for someone to tell me my unhappiness could be resolved externally. In truth, all I needed, all I ever needed, was to look inside and just say, "I accept you as you are."

When I watched Kumare again, I could see how, at any given time in my life, I could be the person who was being set up for the "gotcha!" moment. Had I come across Vikram while I was desperately seeking relief, I very well could have been the person in the film that others were watching with disbelief at their gullibility.

And I would have been angry. I would have felt betrayed. I would not have responded with warmth and acceptance in support of the bigger picture. I think it would have torn me up inside, which is hard to admit, because I really do believe it's a good documentary.

How then do I reconcile my knowledge that I myself wouldn't want to be subject to this, while recognizing this film helped me and continues to help me?

I thought maybe by rewatching the film I'd find some clarity. However, when I got to the end, I did not have a clearer sense of yes, this was a good thing, or no, this was wrong. It's a complicated concept, made more nuanced as Kumare, or Vikram, begins to question what he's doing as the film progresses.

I will say, on this viewing I felt much more empathy for the people who became followers of Kumare. Whereas before, I felt almost snide about their need to feel special through a connection to him, this time I just felt that they were honest and kind people searching for a sense of purpose and belonging. I believe my compassion for them is a reflection of my growing compassion for myself. I don't judge them now because I don't judge myself as much. My evolving inner acceptance and self-love allowed me to see myself in these people, not in an embarrassing way where I had to self-consciously laugh at myself, but in a loving and humbling way.

At the same time, it's also a fascinating journey through the power of belief. If you can make people believe something works, and thereby help them to heal, is it wrong you know you made it up? Why is belief so powerful? What is the mind truly capable of? 

All in all, I believe it's a film worth watching and discussing. It will give you a lot to think about. It's also a great film to watch with skeptics and non-believers, as you will probably feel both your sides are validated and have a lot to talk about. I know it did for me, considering I'm still thinking and writing about it all these years after I first saw it.

And for those that saw Kumare teach the "Blue Light" meditation in the film, I have made a version of it! I was so curious what I would feel, as it seemed to have a profound effect on people, that I couldn't resist exploring it for myself. Now that I've made a real meditation inspired by a fake guru, does that mean Kumare was actually a real guru? Who knows. I believe the answer is different for everyone. You can find out more about my Blue Light meditation here. And you can currently find the Kumare documentary on Tubi.
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I recently revised and updated my Crown Chakra Healing package. While doing so, I replaced an old meditation (one of the first ones I ever made!) with a brand new one. This new meditation is definitely one of my favorites, and I've even been playing it to fall asleep at night.

The Golden Ball meditation will deeply connect you to your Higher Self while bringing healing into your mind and body. It's very soothing and can be used for relaxation, healing and deep meditation. Right now, there are two lengths included - a 15 minute version and a 25 minute version. I'm planning on adding a 1 hour version for anyone else who uses it as a sleep aid. If you buy now, you will automatically be updated when I add that.

With the two versions, you'll be able to choose between a lighter and deeper meditation experience. When I add the one hour version the price will go up slightly. Click the button below to learn more and purchase this powerful meditation!

 
​The Universe is expanding.

There is nothing more natural to the universe than growth and creation. To create, destroy, and recreate is the essence of the world we live in. The Universe creates planets, waits billions of years, smashes them into stars, destroys it all, and then once again melds all that potential into something new.

It's all in a constant state of motion. Planets are swinging around stars like children on a carnival ride. Stars are swallowing up planets and filling their bellies until they explode. Collapsed stars are reaching out with open arms, pulling everything into their black center, and then flinging it all to places and dimensions we can only dream of.

What's not natural to the universe is stagnation.

To stay fixed and unmoving goes against the energy that is constantly trying to push up, out, inwards, and out again. The energy of the Universe wants to move and dance. It wants to sway side to side and sashay back again. It wants to move and groove, and it wants to move and groove with you.

When you embrace feelings of growth and creation, you are in harmony with the Universe.

Creativity isn't always about being an artist. Sometimes the most beautiful and inspired creative work we do is with our own self. We tear down the idea of who we were, rip up the canvas of our identity, and spread a blank sheet before us. And on that sheet we paint the vibrant new Self taking birth within us.

But sometimes creativity is being an artist. Sometimes it's taking clay and squishing wet, earthy material through our fingers. Sometimes it's scribbling black, ominous lines in no particular pattern or design because that's how we feel and we must express it or suffocate. Sometimes art is planting rows of succulents in our yard, turning our homes into one giant work of self-expression.

However creativity shows up for you, embrace it. Your vitality and life force are depending on it.
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There's a reason people feel incredible after they've created something. It's because the process of creation brought them into harmony with all the energy and power of the cosmos. In our moments of creation and expansion, we are flowing with the river of All That Is. We are in a state of non-resistance. 

When we stop creating, stop expanding, and stop embracing the pulse of vitality, we slam up against that river.

It punches us in the gut and knocks us on our ass. And while we're knocked down, it's flowing over us, reaching a hand out, asking us to jump back in. But from down there, from that place of frozen resistance, it can look terrifying. It's moving so FAST and it's so damn POWERFUL.

The more you resist the flow of vitality, the more it can seem you want to cower down in a hole. The more it can seem you'll drown if you try to dive back in. But it only looks that way. The moment you dive back in, let go, and throw your paint across the sky, you instantly become one with the Universe. There is no delay. There isn't a nanosecond of reorienting. Because the thing is, you only believed you were separate.

The moment you dive back in, you can see the illusion clearly. You were always in the river. You were always one with it all.

It wasn't the energy of the Universe that scared you and kept you down. It was your fear of your own self. You could never be over powered by the flow of the Universe because you are the Universe. It isn't the power of the Universe that scares you. It's the power within you, waiting to unleash like a live wire.

And once you unleash it, all that scattering will focus, and your power will come into clear focus. It will focus on creating and expanding and creating more. And it will all be in harmony with you, because when you are one with the Universe, the Universe is one with you. It feels what you feel, and as you feel yes, I love this, your love explodes out and rains back down on you in a million glitter filled moments.

If it feels as if life just keeps getting harder, and nothing is going your way, make something.

Draw. Paint. Create. Push your hand through the dirt and draw a circle. Do something that allows you to express in some way. Pile up stones in a way they've never been piled before. Creation will catapult you back into alignment with the source of your existence. It will realign your energy with the energy of the Universe and unlock all the power that is trapped inside of you. The more you resist your natural need to create and expand with the Universe, the more life will resist you. 

I can't wait to see what you do with your unique perspective and personality. If you want to share your creation with the world, put it below. I would love to share in the joy of your creativity with you. Because honestly, my life force is depending on it too. I need the color and beauty you add more than you know.

A few wees ago, I felt guided to listen to The Golden Thread guided meditation every day for 40 days.

I created this meditation a few years ago (it's the first one I made!), and I play it from time to time, but this was the first time I got a specific message about it: try it for 40 days in a row and see what happens.

​I wasn't sure why, except for the knowing that doing something for 40 days can be a sacred and life changing experience. 

Now that I'm half way through it, I'm starting to understand what this is doing for me.

Usually, when people play this meditation they have a vivid dream, either right after playing it or after a few listens. I'm 20 days in, and although I've had interesting dreams thus far, last nights' was one that really told me something special was happening. In the dream I had traveled somewhere else, somewhere I can't recall, only that it wasn't where I live.

I had two choices: go back to where I was and what I had been doing, or follow whales as they swam around the earth.

When I saw the whales I knew instantly, I would follow them, and I did. Watching them swim and traveling through the oceans was the most beautiful, open, free and happy dream I've had in a long time. 

I believe part of the reason this meditation creates vivid and interesting dreams is because the imagery works on very deep levels of the psyche. There is the conscious experience you have while you play it, what you feel in your body, and then there are subconscious things happening that unfold and reveal themselves over time.

​The meditation guides you to look up to see a large white cloud. Hanging from the bottom of the cloud is a beautiful golden thread. The thread comes down from the sky, weaves through your entire body, and then drops into the soil, spreading out like roots. This is a very calming and serene experience, and one that will help you to feel supported and highly energized in the present moment.

Sometimes, when I'm struggling with my sense of self-esteem, I begin to think of my accomplishments, good things I've done, positive things people have said to me, and so on. I was doing this tonight as I thought about who I am and where I'm at in life. I was navigating waves of doubt and insecurity.

Who are you to feel important in this world? What have you done to earn that?

And then I wondered... why do I feel I have to think of what I've done or am doing in order to feel my existence is valid and worthy? Have I ever felt a wild flower needs to prove it belongs in this world?

Just think of it - you are walking through a field and suddenly you come upon a glorious yellow buttercup. It has brightened the field and thereby brightened your day. Even better, nobody planned for this flower to be here. It arose from a mysterious and far-reaching chain of events that is part of the ongoing web of Earth life. The fact that you crossed paths with this flower is quite literally a cosmic miracle.

As you gaze upon this flower, do you wonder what it's doing with its life?

Do you wonder if it's actually earned that sunshine it is so freely soaking up? Do you ask yourself if this flower truly deserves, above all other existing and potential flowers, to be pulling in nutrients from the earth? Has this flower done anything special to be worthy of your attention and praises???

I mean, who does this flower think it is!

It would be strange and even depressing to put all of that on a flower, which is valid and important simply because it exists. We intuitively know this, and we allow this knowing to extend to all of the natural world.

​We do not question if a moose is living up to its potential. We do not wonder if that hawk soaring in the sky is trying to find its purpose in life. We just know that they are here, and we are so glad they are.

Even the mosquitoes, which literally feed off of other living things, they actually do the opposite of contribute or work hard or share loving kindness, are things we know that do not have to ask our permission or approval to be. We are free to swat them to their death, but don't expect that mosquito to apologize to you or anyone or anything about who it is and what it's done (or not done) with its life. The mosquito knows what created it is something beyond you, and therefore, it owes you no explanation, not even a "thanks for the blood!"

And how wonderful to know that is true of you and I also.

We are also a part of the natural world, even if it seems our world has somehow removed itself. This separation is only an illusion.

Your body is nourished by the the water of the earth. The food you eat, which creates your body, was grown in this planet's rich, musky soil. That sunshine that is so vital to all of plant life is vital to you also. You are a natural part of this world, and whoever you are, wherever you are, the only person you must explain yourself to... is no one. 

You are valid because you were created and you exist. You are a wildflower in the sea of stars we call the Milky Way.

You, with every breath you take, are deserving and important. You are a gift from a higher consciousness, and that divine, mystical energy is a part of you right now. It may seem your life is as random as a leaf on a tree, but the thing is, no leaf is random. Each leaf ensures a delicate balance is achieved on each branch.

Sometimes, I will feel that I am valid because I believe in kindness. I boost my self-esteem by reminding myself I am a loving person.

​But even this is putting parameters and limits on what is important in this world. Who am I to say anger and angry people are less valid than I? And what about sad people? I used to be the saddest of them all. I was so depressed I scared the people closest to me. Would I, even for a second, consider that version of myself less valid, less worthy of the sunshine that radiates down? Of course not. Not even for a millisecond.

The same is true for other people who I don't always believe are acting in ways I wish they would. There are people who hurt me deeply in the past, and those very people were some of my biggest catalysts to get me to ask deeper questions, to seek what would ultimately become a path of meditation, curiosity and expansion of consciousness. I cannot say they are less worthy or less valid in their journey than I.

They are the leaf on the opposite side of the branch.

We may grow in opposite ways, but we also seek a certain harmony, a certain balance, a certain cohesion that often exists in a greater understanding than I usually look at them with.

And so today, I ask you to try, for the whole day, not to validate your existence.

​Do not feel you must justify who you are or where you are. Wherever you are, there you are, and thank you for being there. You don't need to win awards or promotions or even be considered a good person in order to feel perfectly content about being there. All you must do is turn your face up to the sky, feel the sun upon it, and know that what you feel and how you feel about yourself is between you and your cosmic creator.

​In my guided meditation Expect Miracles I ask you to start looking for miracles everywhere in your daily life.

​The more you see miracles, the more you will believe in them and the more they will show up. It's using the basic Universe principle energy flows where attention goes. When you think about something, and you feel good about it, it makes an energetic connection in the quantum field, which then manifests that thing in your physical life.

In other words, get excited about the miraculous nature of life and your life will become miraculous. 

Asking you to start looking for miracles everywhere can seem like a high order. Who in this world of struggle and conflict sees miracles all the time? All of us. It's simply a matter of changing your perspective. Miracles really are around us all the time, so long as we're willing to see them.

For real? I mean really. I'm just sitting here drinking my coffee. How is that miraculous?

The real question is, how is not?

Let's imagine you've just gotten a cup of joe from your favorite coffee shop. You're walking out with a paper cup full of piping hot dark roast. Let's take a look at that simple paper cup that's so magically holding your liquid from sloshing to the ground. And I do mean magically. Do you know that the atoms that compose you, me, cups, everything, never touch each other? That's right, it's an illusion. Between every single atom is an imperceptible cushion of space. 

The fact that the cup appears solid, and that your hand holding it appears solid, is one of the miraculous illusions of this world.

How does this happen? When atoms reach a certain point, they are no longer attracted to each other, but start to experience repulsion. The closer they get the stronger this repelling force is. Which means the more you try to force them together the stronger the force is pushing them apart. How strong? Stronger than any force we're capable of producing here on this Earth. Which means that two of the most microscopic building blocks of life area capable of exerting more strength, more POWER, than the strongest person alive.

The smallest pieces of this world contain power. That in itself is rather miraculous. You are created of those pieces. You are created of billions and billions of powerful atoms, atoms which are working in their own divinely intelligent and miraculous way to keep you together - or at least, seemingly together. Let's not forget those atoms like their space.

So this cup you have is kind of amazing, and we've barely scratched the surface of its fascinating makeup.

If you collapsed the empty space of a cup and somehow overpowered those powerful atoms, the actual dense matter of your cup would be less than a fraction of a grain of sand.

Along with there being space around atoms, there is also space within the atoms. Around each nucleus, electron and proton is also space. A lot of it. The world is much less dense than it appears. We just take for granted that the way our eyes process reality is the whole story.

It's not. Far from it.

Now we're starting to understand how wild and strange your cup is. But we should go deeper. Let's consider the material that makes up the cup and take a look at this paper receptacle. Paper's not special, right? Okay it's got that weird space between the atoms thing going on, but beside that, it's just paper.

Right?

Is anything just anything? Where did the paper actually come from? It didn't just appear as a cup in the coffee shop.

​It had to start as a tree. A tree has a protective layer of bark, which acts like your own skin, protecting its interior from the outside elements. It also has a system of veins that run sap up and down it in order to nourish the tree, much like your own blood system. A tree is a living, breathing part of this world. It's not just a tree.

But how do we even have trees that can be turned into paper? Where did the first tree come from?

In 2007, tree stumps that were 385 million years old were uncovered. Trees have been living and evolving on this earth longer than any human ancestor. A lot longer. About 379 million years longer. When you stand before a tree, you stand before something that connects back to a time that we know almost nothing about. The trees connect back to the mysterious and miraculous birth of life as we know it.

There's more to it than that. Trees are grown in special harvesting places called managed timberlands. The logs are shipped to sawmills for processing... oh but wait, that's not simple either. What are the trucks made of that ship the logs?

What about the person who drives the truck, the person who can never be again and was never before? That special person who is them self a cosmic mystery.

The tires for the truck had to be made, the metal was made somewhere. All of these separate parts of the earth turned into a truck, so that someone could ship logs to a processing plant to make paper.

And then there's the wax that lines the cup, which has its own mind boggling story of how it came to be. Nothing in this world is simple. Everything is connected to everything else. Those trees that make the paper? They were nourished by the water that cycles through the sky and earth, by the soil that has been on this planet for billions of years. When you hold paper, you hold something that is connected to all of time and creation on this planet. It's that amazing.

To say that the entire world conspires together to make a little cup that holds your coffee would be true. If that isn't miraculous, I don't know what is. Not to mention the fact that we've already established the cup itself, with all its space filled atoms, is miraculous in nature.

And that's just the cup. We didn't even get into the coffee inside of it. When you sip coffee, you sip something that is only made possible by a complex and fascinating series of events. It's something that passed through the hands of people half a world away, was shipped by fuels that came from inside the earth and was brewed by somebody who is made from the same materials as the stars in the sky. 

Everything in this world can be looked at in this way. Including you. Maybe even especially you.

​There are miracles all around us. Life is the miracle. You are a miracle.

It's often just a matter of change in perception to see how miraculous this life and world are. Why not take a moment and marvel at what's happening all around you right now? As I said in the beginning of this blog post, that which is like itself will be drawn to itself. Think about miracles, notice them, and notice how your life changes.