​When it comes to imposter phenomenon, or as it's more commonly known, "imposter syndrome", I often feel a sense that someone else belongs more than me. For example, with these meditations, I will often feel someone has done it better or will do it better, and I just don't belong in the arena at all.

I feel like I should be on the outside, looking in at the people who are doing it right. I feel as if I'm going to be grabbed by my shoulders, shaken, and demand an explanation as to why I thought I, of all people, believed I was good enough to do this.

The funny thing is, I don't ever fear this should happen to other people. I don't question if other people should make meditations or workbooks. I don't question if they're valid. It's as if this only applies to me, and I'm the only fraudulent person in a sea of qualified "real" people.

The even funnier thing is, nearly everyone else feels this way too. So if we all feel like we're the imposter, and surely everyone else is good enough, where exactly are all these so-called overly qualified people?

The topic of imposter phenomenon came up for me today as I listened to a podcast on NPR. As they said, it was originally coined as "imposter phenomenon" and not syndrome, because syndrome applies it's something that can be diagnosed and cured.

Does that mean there's no cure to this often-times crippling feeling? At the time time, no. There's no cure. But there are tools a person can learn to manage it. And if you can manage it, you can still go after all those goals and dreams.

What really helped me, was to reshift what I wanted my end result to be. I let go of the need to be perfect (which is really a need to avoid criticism), and let the new goal to be satisfied. Now, my goal is not to be perfect. Or to be the best. Or to arrive knowing everything. My goal is to do a good job, and to know I did the best I could.

This sounds simple, but it really did feel like a huge weight fell off as I thought about it. Once I let go of perfectionism, and gave myself permission to aim for my own self-defined version of complete, I felt much freer and lighter. I also felt as if I was operating within realisitic parameters, and not setting myself up for failure.

And I believe it's this fear of falling short of perfect that leads to the feeling of being an imposter. I have let go of the need to show up being the best, because honestly, what is the point of life if I start at the finish line? I'm now giving myself permission to grow and learn and explore my creations through my own unique learning process. And through that process, I have no doubt I'll create far better work than anything I would've done that was "perfect."

I've put the episode of NPR below. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

 
​The Universe is expanding.

There is nothing more natural to the universe than growth and creation. To create, destroy, and recreate is the essence of the world we live in. The Universe creates planets, waits billions of years, smashes them into stars, destroys it all, and then once again melds all that potential into something new.

It's all in a constant state of motion. Planets are swinging around stars like children on a carnival ride. Stars are swallowing up planets and filling their bellies until they explode. Collapsed stars are reaching out with open arms, pulling everything into their black center, and then flinging it all to places and dimensions we can only dream of.

What's not natural to the universe is stagnation.

To stay fixed and unmoving goes against the energy that is constantly trying to push up, out, inwards, and out again. The energy of the Universe wants to move and dance. It wants to sway side to side and sashay back again. It wants to move and groove, and it wants to move and groove with you.

When you embrace feelings of growth and creation, you are in harmony with the Universe.

Creativity isn't always about being an artist. Sometimes the most beautiful and inspired creative work we do is with our own self. We tear down the idea of who we were, rip up the canvas of our identity, and spread a blank sheet before us. And on that sheet we paint the vibrant new Self taking birth within us.

But sometimes creativity is being an artist. Sometimes it's taking clay and squishing wet, earthy material through our fingers. Sometimes it's scribbling black, ominous lines in no particular pattern or design because that's how we feel and we must express it or suffocate. Sometimes art is planting rows of succulents in our yard, turning our homes into one giant work of self-expression.

However creativity shows up for you, embrace it. Your vitality and life force are depending on it.
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There's a reason people feel incredible after they've created something. It's because the process of creation brought them into harmony with all the energy and power of the cosmos. In our moments of creation and expansion, we are flowing with the river of All That Is. We are in a state of non-resistance. 

When we stop creating, stop expanding, and stop embracing the pulse of vitality, we slam up against that river.

It punches us in the gut and knocks us on our ass. And while we're knocked down, it's flowing over us, reaching a hand out, asking us to jump back in. But from down there, from that place of frozen resistance, it can look terrifying. It's moving so FAST and it's so damn POWERFUL.

The more you resist the flow of vitality, the more it can seem you want to cower down in a hole. The more it can seem you'll drown if you try to dive back in. But it only looks that way. The moment you dive back in, let go, and throw your paint across the sky, you instantly become one with the Universe. There is no delay. There isn't a nanosecond of reorienting. Because the thing is, you only believed you were separate.

The moment you dive back in, you can see the illusion clearly. You were always in the river. You were always one with it all.

It wasn't the energy of the Universe that scared you and kept you down. It was your fear of your own self. You could never be over powered by the flow of the Universe because you are the Universe. It isn't the power of the Universe that scares you. It's the power within you, waiting to unleash like a live wire.

And once you unleash it, all that scattering will focus, and your power will come into clear focus. It will focus on creating and expanding and creating more. And it will all be in harmony with you, because when you are one with the Universe, the Universe is one with you. It feels what you feel, and as you feel yes, I love this, your love explodes out and rains back down on you in a million glitter filled moments.

If it feels as if life just keeps getting harder, and nothing is going your way, make something.

Draw. Paint. Create. Push your hand through the dirt and draw a circle. Do something that allows you to express in some way. Pile up stones in a way they've never been piled before. Creation will catapult you back into alignment with the source of your existence. It will realign your energy with the energy of the Universe and unlock all the power that is trapped inside of you. The more you resist your natural need to create and expand with the Universe, the more life will resist you. 

I can't wait to see what you do with your unique perspective and personality. If you want to share your creation with the world, put it below. I would love to share in the joy of your creativity with you. Because honestly, my life force is depending on it too. I need the color and beauty you add more than you know.

When Michelle met with a group of teenage girls, one of them asked her how she feels about transitioning back to her normal life. How would Michelle navigate the leap from First Lady back to the life she was living before? How would she get back on track?

I love this quote because so many of us are currently in a place of transition. Due to the current circumstances, many of us are facing the reality that we cannot do, or don't want to do, what we've been doing. We're also acknowledging that life won't be like it was before, and we have to create a new track. Considering what it would be like to go from the all-consuming role as First Lady onto a completely new, unknown role, inspired me to embrace the unknown and the new with courage and integrity.

In a later group meeting with young black women (Michelle speaks often in the film about her passion for working with the youth), Rayven asked a powerful question:

One thing I loved about this film was how open Michelle was about racial inequality in this country. It's something she wasn't able to speak so directly to while she was First Lady. And I also love how she empowered each one of those women with her words. She didn't ask them to wait for something outside of them to change. She asked them to change their circumstances within while at the same time acknowledging we are not on an even playing field. This is so important because I see so many people who say the first part - change begins within. But they don't do the second part, which is to validate the affect that oppression and bias has.

"I have high expectations of young people. It's the same expectations my family had of me. My grandfather, Dandy, expected us to be great. But he went through life being underestimated. Growing up, he was a brilliant young man, somebody that loved to read books, to delve into things in a deep and meaningful way. He could have been a professor. He could have been a doctor. But because of race and class, he couldn't get into colleges. He didn't have the money or the resources. And imagine walking around with all this ability and the world telling you, "No. No, you're not good enough. No, you're not ready." Watching people half your intelligence being promoted past you. Watching opportunities slip away, Not because you're not able, but because nobody thinks you deserve it.That caused him a lot of disappointment and anger. That made him push us to be better." - Michelle Obama, Becoming

Of all the quotes in the movie, this one stood out to me the most. It struck me not only because of the anger I would feel if I was Dandy's granddaughter, but because this is still the world we live in. We still promote people based on the fact that they fit an inner ideal of what we think a successful person should look like. Until we tear down all our prejudices, we will continue to all lose out on the brilliance and ingenuity of so many of our fellow citizens.

"I ended up going to Princeton. I was one of a handful of minority students. It was the first time in my life where I stood out like that. I learned that one of my roommates moved out because her mother was horrified that I was black. She felt her daughter was in danger. I wasn't prepared for that." - Michelle Obama, Becoming

This quote also stood out to me above all the others. If someone couldn't live with me because my skin color made them afraid, and I was a young girl, finding my place in the world, I wouldn't know what to do. Can you imagine the impact that would have on a young, developing psyche? And as with the quote above, this is still the reality of the world we live in. No one should have to question their worthiness or their humanity because of the ignorance of another person.

This was one of the last quotes I noted. I had about six other quotes highlighted, which I cut because I wanted to end with this one. What stands out to me about this quote is the reminder that Obama filled arenas on hope. It's such a powerful reminder because I so often see our current president filling arenas based on anger, division, and bullying. I had forgotten that not long ago, hundreds of thousands of people also filled arenas, and on a message of hope and unity. Those people are still out there. And if, after all she's been through, Michelle can still believe in the goodness of people and this country, then I can too.

I wish I could have put down all the quotes from the film I'd saved. There were so many moments I paused, reflected on her words, and thought about the class and gracefulness she brought to everything she did and does. But the thing that really surprised me was how funny Michelle is. We all know she has a brilliant mind and an inspiring, forward thinking spirit. What I had never seen before was how funny and charismatic she is. 

Becoming is available to stream on Netflix. I hope you get a chance to see it also! And now I'm off to download the audio book because I love hearing author's tell me their story in their own voice.

I recently downloaded the audiobook Endurance by Scott Kelly. It's about his year living aboard the International Space Station. Kelly agreed to embark upon this mission for the purposes of studying long duration space missions. More precisely, to study the physical and psychological obstacles astronauts will face during the extensive travel to Mars. For example, the lack of gravity for long periods alters astronauts' vision. This is due to the fact that cerebral spinal fluid pools around the eyes when our bodies are weightless for months on end.

I bought this book because I had followed Kelly's mission while it was unfolding. I was fascinated by the isolation, the disconnect, and the sacrifice he was willing to make for the greater good of human knowledge. What I hadn't considered when I bought the book was it was an uncanny parallel to where we are now. If there was ever a book to capture the spirit of quarantine, this is it.

What I love most about this book is it's accessible to all people. I've played it on long drives with my 71 year old dad in the car. I've played it while working in my family's garden with family members around. I've played it with all types of people who quickly became engrossed in the saga. It's a captivating story about Kelly's journey to being an astronaut, the science of space travel, and what astronauts actually do all day.

If you're looking for something you can listen to with kids, spouses, or roommates, this book might be something everyone can agree on. There are some f-bombs and other occasional curse words, but other than that, it's family friendly, entertaining, educational, and a spirited adventure that might make your quarantine a little more tolerable.

​- Brene Brown, Rising Strong