When a friend recommended I watch the movie Violet, I knew exactly which film she was referring to. I'd been interested in it because I'd heard the lead character struggles with anxiety and intrusive thoughts.
Other than knowing the movie dealt with anxiety, I really didn't know what to expect when I put it on. Within the first few minutes, the film showed how Violet struggles with a stream of negative internal dialogue all day. It is constant. And it is jarring.
In all honesty, it made me uncomfortable at times. Not because what she was thinking was outrageous and unbelievable - but because it was so BELIEVABLE. A large amount of things she thought I think myself. To hear my own thoughts being spoken out loud, and seeing the impact and pain they cause, was both captivating and unnerving.
However, seeing those thoughts made manifest on Violet was not all bad. In fact, there was something deeply reassuring about knowing I'm not the only one who thinks stuff like that. Because my negative thoughts are so vicious, they feel specific to me, which makes them seem true. My stream goes something like You're a loser, no one actually believes in you, people pretend to respect you but they really think you're worthless. But... if everyone has similar thoughts, then they aren't really specific to me. We all learned the same bullshit, and it doesn't define a single one of us.
As the movie goes along, Violet begins to confront her thoughts. She begins taking steps to set herself free from the prison of self-attack. I don't want to tell you exactly what she does or how it unfolds, because I think it would be more powerful to see it for yourself.
If you struggle with anxiety, intrusive thoughts, fear, and/or low self-esteem, I highly HIGHLY recommend you watch this film. It had a profound effect on me, and has literally changed how I deal with my inner monologue. The movie is really well done, relatable, and in the end, will give you a sense of hope that maybe wasn't there before.
I rented the movie for $4.99 on Redbox, and when I looked for it, I also saw it available to rent on Amazon, iTunes, and Vudu.
After you watch it, come back and do the meditation I made that was inspired by the movie. It's all about finding your true, loving inner voice. The one that resides below the stream of negative self-talk, which we usually can't hear because the negative voice is talking over it. This meditation will help you to hear what your inner self ACTUALLY wants to say to you, and how loving and supportive it really is.
Violet stars Olivia Munn, Justin Theroux, and Luke Bracey. It was written and directed by Justine Bateman. Quick summary: Violet realizes that her entire life is built on fear-based decisions, and must do everything differently to become her true self.
Heal your critical inner voice with this guided meditation. It's donation based and I welcome you to leave what feels right to you.
Your smallest desires are heard by the grandest of sources.
Every whisper you make, every thought you think, is felt by the entire Universe.
Your biggest dreams are loved and cherished by the most minute of sources.
Each tiny drop of energy in the Universe is conspiring with millions of other drops to bring your dreams to fruition.
Everything is on your side.
Nothing is too big nor too small to help you.
It's all here for you.
Loving you. Holding you. Supporting you.
You got this.
You deserve to see your dreams made manifest.
I believe in you.
I hope the week ahead is full of love and blessings for you.
Miracles happen everyday. Change your perception of what a miracle is and you'll see them all around you.
During the holiday season, people tend to talk about miracles.
Sometimes it's in a joking way, like they'll get the last parking spot and say, "It's a Christmas miracle!" Sometimes it's in a fond way, as they think of all the blessings in their life. Or maybe they just think of all those Hallmark movies that have a miraculous ending (did you see the one about a woman who crawled through a dryer to a parallel universe? It's my favorite).
Whatever it is, we talk a lot about miracles during this time of year. But do we actually see them? Is it real? Or is it just a thing we do in December, like the same way we hang lights?
Perhaps miracles are just another holiday concept we'll box up and forget about until next year...
Or maybe not.
I've shared two blog posts before on miracles, and I have to tell you, they're still two of my favorites posts. So much so I re-read them myself.
The first one, The Miracle of the Diaries, is about the only story I've ever heard that's a real life, I can't explain this, the only way this happened is divine intervention miracle. The first time I heard it I was listening to a podcast and I was so moved I ran home to write a post about it. I had to share this story. It was powerful and beautiful and best of all, real.
The second one, Expect Miracles, is the inverse of the first. It's not a big story at all. In fact, it's about the small miracles that are all around us. It's about how the entire world conspires together to make even the smallest things come together in your life. It looks at how miraculous are world really is, and I promise you, you'll never look at a cup of coffee the same way after.
I hope you enjoy these posts on miracles. And wherever you are, whatever your beliefs, I wish you a wonderful holiday season.
When it comes to imposter phenomenon, or as it's more commonly known, "imposter syndrome", I often feel a sense that someone else belongs more than me. For example, with these meditations, I will often feel someone has done it better or will do it better, and I just don't belong in the arena at all.
I feel like I should be on the outside, looking in at the people who are doing it right. I feel as if I'm going to be grabbed by my shoulders, shaken, and demand an explanation as to why I thought I, of all people, believed I was good enough to do this.
The funny thing is, I don't ever fear this should happen to other people. I don't question if other people should make meditations or workbooks. I don't question if they're valid. It's as if this only applies to me, and I'm the only fraudulent person in a sea of qualified "real" people.
The even funnier thing is, nearly everyone else feels this way too. So if we all feel like we're the imposter, and surely everyone else is good enough, where exactly are all these so-called overly qualified people?
The topic of imposter phenomenon came up for me today as I listened to a podcast on NPR. As they said, it was originally coined as "imposter phenomenon" and not syndrome, because syndrome applies it's something that can be diagnosed and cured.
Does that mean there's no cure to this often-times crippling feeling? At the time time, no. There's no cure. But there are tools a person can learn to manage it. And if you can manage it, you can still go after all those goals and dreams.
What really helped me, was to reshift what I wanted my end result to be. I let go of the need to be perfect (which is really a need to avoid criticism), and let the new goal to be satisfied. Now, my goal is not to be perfect. Or to be the best. Or to arrive knowing everything. My goal is to do a good job, and to know I did the best I could.
This sounds simple, but it really did feel like a huge weight fell off as I thought about it. Once I let go of perfectionism, and gave myself permission to aim for my own self-defined version of complete, I felt much freer and lighter. I also felt as if I was operating within realisitic parameters, and not setting myself up for failure.
And I believe it's this fear of falling short of perfect that leads to the feeling of being an imposter. I have let go of the need to show up being the best, because honestly, what is the point of life if I start at the finish line? I'm now giving myself permission to grow and learn and explore my creations through my own unique learning process. And through that process, I have no doubt I'll create far better work than anything I would've done that was "perfect."
I've put the episode of NPR below. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!
After I finished recording today's daily meditation, I decided to go for a brief walk. I wanted to get out and enjoy the morning before I sat at my desk editing, listening, editing more, and then posting.
As I rounded the corner onto the main street, I was amazed by the cacophony of birdsong! I actually decided not to post the video I took that captured the noise because it was so loud I didn't think it would be peaceful. I'm not sure, but I believe these birds are in migration, and thus there are way more around than usual as they make their way south.
The birds were flying around from tree to tree, and it was so beautiful and serene. I took quiet a few videos of it, but as with anything in nature that fills you with awe, I couldn't quite capture what I was seeing. But it's close enough! I hope you enjoy the video.
The Universe is expanding.
There is nothing more natural to the universe than growth and creation. To create, destroy, and recreate is the essence of the world we live in. The Universe creates planets, waits billions of years, smashes them into stars, destroys it all, and then once again melds all that potential into something new.
It's all in a constant state of motion. Planets are swinging around stars like children on a carnival ride. Stars are swallowing up planets and filling their bellies until they explode. Collapsed stars are reaching out with open arms, pulling everything into their black center, and then flinging it all to places and dimensions we can only dream of.
What's not natural to the universe is stagnation.
To stay fixed and unmoving goes against the energy that is constantly trying to push up, out, inwards, and out again. The energy of the Universe wants to move and dance. It wants to sway side to side and sashay back again. It wants to move and groove, and it wants to move and groove with you.
When you embrace feelings of growth and creation, you are in harmony with the Universe.
Creativity isn't always about being an artist. Sometimes the most beautiful and inspired creative work we do is with our own self. We tear down the idea of who we were, rip up the canvas of our identity, and spread a blank sheet before us. And on that sheet we paint the vibrant new Self taking birth within us.
But sometimes creativity is being an artist. Sometimes it's taking clay and squishing wet, earthy material through our fingers. Sometimes it's scribbling black, ominous lines in no particular pattern or design because that's how we feel and we must express it or suffocate. Sometimes art is planting rows of succulents in our yard, turning our homes into one giant work of self-expression.
However creativity shows up for you, embrace it. Your vitality and life force are depending on it.
There's a reason people feel incredible after they've created something. It's because the process of creation brought them into harmony with all the energy and power of the cosmos. In our moments of creation and expansion, we are flowing with the river of All That Is. We are in a state of non-resistance.
When we stop creating, stop expanding, and stop embracing the pulse of vitality, we slam up against that river.
It punches us in the gut and knocks us on our ass. And while we're knocked down, it's flowing over us, reaching a hand out, asking us to jump back in. But from down there, from that place of frozen resistance, it can look terrifying. It's moving so FAST and it's so damn POWERFUL.
The more you resist the flow of vitality, the more it can seem you want to cower down in a hole. The more it can seem you'll drown if you try to dive back in. But it only looks that way. The moment you dive back in, let go, and throw your paint across the sky, you instantly become one with the Universe. There is no delay. There isn't a nanosecond of reorienting. Because the thing is, you only believed you were separate.
The moment you dive back in, you can see the illusion clearly. You were always in the river. You were always one with it all.
It wasn't the energy of the Universe that scared you and kept you down. It was your fear of your own self. You could never be over powered by the flow of the Universe because you are the Universe. It isn't the power of the Universe that scares you. It's the power within you, waiting to unleash like a live wire.
And once you unleash it, all that scattering will focus, and your power will come into clear focus. It will focus on creating and expanding and creating more. And it will all be in harmony with you, because when you are one with the Universe, the Universe is one with you. It feels what you feel, and as you feel yes, I love this, your love explodes out and rains back down on you in a million glitter filled moments.
If it feels as if life just keeps getting harder, and nothing is going your way, make something.
Draw. Paint. Create. Push your hand through the dirt and draw a circle. Do something that allows you to express in some way. Pile up stones in a way they've never been piled before. Creation will catapult you back into alignment with the source of your existence. It will realign your energy with the energy of the Universe and unlock all the power that is trapped inside of you. The more you resist your natural need to create and expand with the Universe, the more life will resist you.
I can't wait to see what you do with your unique perspective and personality. If you want to share your creation with the world, put it below. I would love to share in the joy of your creativity with you. Because honestly, my life force is depending on it too. I need the color and beauty you add more than you know.
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