 Several years ago I went through one of the deepest and most introspective periods of my life. It was one of those “right time and right place” situations where all of the conditions conspired in my favor for this to happen. I’d just moved back from Holland, where I’d been living with my Dutch boyfriend. I was living back with my parents, and this gave me strong feelings of being both comfortable and safe. My time in Holland had been intense and brought up a lot of questions in me, particularly related to my happiness and my sense of self. With my heart and mind full of questions and my spirit in a place that it felt safe to grow and explore, the call to go within was both very strong and very natural. I meditated several times a day, sometimes for hours at a time. This is very strange for me to think about now, because that kind of intense solitude and reflection feels like it was experienced by another person. However, a powerful calling and urge to let go and go within came over me during this period of time, which lasted about two months. I am forever grateful I honored the calling I felt to immerse myself in this time of meditation and reflection. Most of my experience revolved around the chanting of a mantra called HU. HU is a primal tone, like AUM (or om). It’s considered to be one of the sounds that, like aum, existed at the time of creation, and thus deeply and profoundly connects us back to the divine energy that was and is in everything that’s been created across all time and dimensions.  I had stumbled across HU on a bulletin board and I couldn’t deny a powerful feeling that it was important. Furthermore, I felt a continual urging to meditate on HU every day for 40 days in a row. I was intrigued but also conflicted. How could I give up that much of my precious time to sitting and chanting? What if nothing happened and the 40 days was a waste? What if EVERYTHING happened and I was so overwhelmed I couldn’t handle it? What was even causing this urging? What was beyond me that was sending this calling to me? It was this endless stream of questions that got me to begin my 40 days of HU. It was like looking at a guide book for an exotic land and knowing that if you traveled there it would forever change you. The desire to fulfill my curiosity propelled me on, and I had no idea then that this really would be an adventure. I was having my first experience with adventures in cosmic consciousness, and rather than board an airplane, I would sit each day and travel to the furthest reaches of my soul. Each day of using HU I received profound insights that changed the way I viewed myself, this world, the Universe and even the concept of life itself. Near the end I had one that opened me up in such a way that prepared me for the BIG one, the one that changed everything. In this initial moment of expansion, I continually heard the question in my mind during meditation, “What makes you amazing?” I tried to answer with what I felt were positive and honest things, such as I feel I’m amazing because I’m intelligent. I feel I’m amazing because I’m adventurous. I feel I’m amazing because I’m funny. And so on. But I was receiving a distinct NO back, a tangible feeling that I was not tuning into the real answer, and these answer were based on a purely human perspective. I needed to go wider, and it was then that I began to open up to everything. I felt myself go deeper into my meditative state, but it was a paradox, because the deeper within I went the more my mind and soul opened outwards. I stayed within my body, I was aware of my body, but I was also one with the mountains and sky, the rivers and the forests, and all the while I was being shown that THIS is what makes me amazing. I am amazing because I AM the mountain. I am amazing because I AM the night sky. I am amazing because I AM the fast flowing river that travels across continents.  It was only in this moment of deep meditation that, for the first time, I could feel what these statements meant. It wasn’t a beautiful thought where I looked up at the stars and pondered what it means to be made of star stuff. I was in the stars, and yet also, I was still me, sitting in my room, breathing so slowly and imperceptibly that I hardly moved. It was on the 40th day of my meditation that the experience I had been leading up to was revealed to me. I cannot say if it was the number of days that was important, or if it was simply because I leaned so deeply into the trust. I had no idea why I was keeping on for 40 days, and all I could do was trust that this period of self-discipline and self imposed isolation would be worthwhile. As I sat to meditate on the 40th day I wondered once again what I was doing, and if anything would happen. I had no idea what exactly I was meant to do or even what I was grasping for. I could only lean further into the trust, and follow the feelings I was getting. As I meditated on this day I tried something I never had. I tried pushing the edges of my spirit up and out so fast that it did something I can’t quiet explain. It was almost as if I was creating friction, in the way that an airplane flies fast enough that it is flying on the friction it creates. I continued to push up and out, and watched with awe as the world shrank away. But like before, I was still in my body. I was once again seemingly in two places at once. I was in my body, sitting in my room, and I was out in the cosmos, expanding my soul past the edges of the solar system, past the galaxy, past planets billions of light years away. Opening. Expanding. Growing. Reaching. Flying. All at a speed I cannot comprehend. It was all happening in a way that was beyond what I could consciously think about, it was just happening, and I was both a participant and a curious observer. I went out so fast and so far that I came to the edges of the Universe. Unlike my previous enlightenment, when I felt I am everything, my breathing was not light. It was heavy, slow and long. My body became so hot that sweat beaded up on my forehead. It was clear that something was happening, something so visceral that my body was heating up and breathing deep in response. At the edge of the Universe I faded through the edges and went… into the infinite. This is where words fail me. Even what I’ve written so far was a struggle to find the right words, the right descriptions, but here, I cannot even attempt to try and convey a sense of where I was. I was everything and I was nothing. I was completely relaxed, but in a state beyond relaxation. I had no awareness of even a concept like stress or worry, and so to say I was relaxed is not quite right. It was more like I was in a time and place where the feelings of love and joy where the only things that existed. To say feelings of stress, sadness and worry weren’t real seems impossible as I write this, and yet, in that place, they didn’t exist, and nothing could have felt more real or more true. I had a vague awareness of my body and the room I was still in. Everything was dark, but at the same time, it was not an emptiness. It was so full of rich feeling that every drop of air felt full of what I suppose can only be described as nirvana. There was no emptiness and yet it was all empty. I was bigger than the whole Universe, and yet, I was the Universe, and I was as small as the person I am now. There was no time. Before, after, now, then, none of it existed. I understood everything, but I had no thoughts. I understood in a way that I felt the knowing. I felt the truth. Everything was so simple, so pure, so light and easy, but at the same time, it was beyond me, it was a paradox, because afterwards I did not understand at all. I was not able to retain the all knowingness, which makes no sense because how can you lose that? I don't know. I really don't. I can only share what I felt.  Despite the feeling of infinite time, it felt like I had reached this place for a fleeting moment. As I came back it felt like I was dissolving through a thousand layers of silk and cotton. Floating back through the layers of reality I came back to me, even though I always was me in that expanded state. As I came back in I felt a sadness, a sadness so palpable I was surprised by it. I couldn’t understand why I felt so sad, and then I realized, this is how I’ve always felt. I was full of so much joy and love in that state I now had something to compare my natural feelings to. It was only upon my return, when the contrast was perfectly clear, that I became aware of how I really feel. It wasn’t that I walk around all the time with a sad and heavy heart. It was just that the love I felt in that moment was so deep, so profound, that I couldn’t help but feel how far away from it I live in my everyday life. To even call what I felt love is undermining the feeling. It was something beyond love. It was like all the love I’ve ever known heightened, intensified, and expanded. I can only describe it as the love beyond love. Love is not the right word for it, but there is no word, and to say it was love a million light years beyond the love I have for my family or life or the earth is all I can say. It was in fact so big and so deep that I didn’t feel ready for it, here and now, as the being I am. For a few days after this experience I would get waves of that sublime, all expanding love, and it was so intense and overwhelming I became dazed by it. Not in a bad way. I was again so relaxed I was beyond relaxed. It was just clear to me I wasn’t ready to live in this state of expanded love and truth, and in many ways, I liked that feeling. I like being here in this world, as I am, experiencing the rich vastness of emotions and feelings that are available to me. Since I had those two experiences I have never slipped back into that all expansive, all knowing state. I have come close, and begun to feel my body turn into such lightness that I could feel myself fading through the layers of reality, but never again have I crossed that threshold. And yet, the experience is always with me, like a memory from a trip that dramatically altered the course of my life. Sometimes I forget that I even had this experience, and I lose myself in the dramas and day to day realities of this world. Which is actually kind of amazing, because when I do find myself deeply rooted in what feels like struggle, it gives that experience of expansion and enlightenment even more richness and contrast. It makes it feel that much more alive and profound, and it is a continual reminder to me that this is a world of balance. This is a world where we get to feel the unbelievably rich feeling of physical touch and reality. It is also a world where we get to awaken our spirits, to feel the exquisite lightness of our infinite souls. If I could take this experience and put it in your heart for you to feel also, I would, because it was perhaps one of the most important moments of my life. It was the first time I truly felt not just who I am, but what I am. It was my first taste of how truly brilliant and magnificent and GRAND I really am. It was my first sense of my power, my real power, not the kind of power that turns people into dominant leaders, but the kind that I could use to create my own reality. The kind of power that lets me know I am so full of richness and resources that success is a given. The kind of power that lets me know that no matter what happens, I will be okay, because within me as a connection to the most infinite and divine resources. But even if I could give you this experience, deep down you wouldn’t want me to. You wouldn’t want to miss out on the beautiful awakening that would occur within you to get yourself there. However, I don’t want to tell you this story and leave you feeling I have nothing to offer to at least assist you in your own cosmic consciousness adventures. It was after this experience that I began creating my guided meditations. Each one is like a light on the trail, and they will all help you to find your way, in the way that is right for you, to this source of the truth of yourself. What you find in meditation will be what is right for you. What is right for you will continue evolve during your life. By relaxing, temporarily letting go of attachment to outcomes, and tuning into your natural self, you will find your own insights and awakenings about life. Yours will be different than mine, because we are all unique and all experiencing life from our own unique perspective. Which is what makes meditations so beautiful and perfect also. You can’t get it wrong, and when you share your insights, you expand my awareness, because you help me to see the Universe and life in a new way. If you'd like to try a guided meditation with HU being sung in the background, I have incorporated it into my meditation "I am the Universe, the Universe is me." Click here to hear a sample and purchase the mp3 (or click the image below). 
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 Breathe in the energy of a new day. Breathe out all that's behind you, all that's done. Today is a day you will be supported by the whole Universe. Today is a day all your hopes and dreams will be heard by the Divine. You are not alone today. You are loved and supported by all that keeps this world alive and moving forwards. Your deepest desires are held in the hands of your Creator, where they are protected and nourished as they are brought to life. Today is a new day, full of new possibility. Today is a day of your own design. What you think about today will create the world around you. Think about what you love. Think about what brings you joy. Think about what makes you feel alive. Think about the flowers blooming, the birds soaring, and all that is well, right outside your window. Today is a new day. Breathe in the energy of a new day. Breathe out all that's behind you, all that's done. I wish you many blessings and moments of joy and love today. Melissa  The last few days I have felt myself sliding into feelings of doubt and fear. I kept trying to fight it, to bring myself back to hope and optimism. But this morning I couldn't do it. And so I didn't. I didn't get up and get to work like I usually do. I didn't read the news or listen to a podcast. Instead, I sat quietly in my chair, looking out the window. I sat with my heavy feelings. I sat with my fear. I sat with my worries over the future. I sat with the feelings of discord and breaking apart that keep rising up around me. I fought nothing and surrendered to it all. After awhile, I started to remember simple things that are still beautiful and perfect about this world. Snow slowly falling over pine trees. Morning fog that makes everything feel soft and calm. Rain drops on the window. Hugs from friends. Fiction books, travel books and pretty much all books because books are the best. And so are libraries. And so are people who work in libraries. People can be pretty great. As my feelings softened I didn't leap right from the heavy feelings to the light. I wasn't ready to jump out of my chair and shout my happiness to the world. But I had come back to my center, and from that centered place, I asked myself if sitting around all day, paralyzed by heavy feelings, is what I want to remember myself doing when I'd felt stuck while facing a challenge. I made some coffee and thought about it more. If my future self was looking back on me, twenty years from now, what would she want to see me doing? What will she be glad I did? What will she want to change? As I sipped my coffee, I could feel that thinking of things I still love about this world was a positive step. It was getting me back to my inner light. I could feel that I want to focus more on what I want, rather than what I'm afraid of. I also wanted to honor my need for rest. Fear and doubt generally come from a place of not feeling secure in myself. If I try to fight the fear, it's going to fight me right back. It was time to pause, breathe, and remember that I am deeply loved and cared for. It was time to know that my future self would thank me for resting, because that rest recharged me enough to get back in there, dream bigger, and reach higher. If you're feeling lost, afraid, or just overwhelmed, try this simple yet powerful exercise. Close your eyes, and imagine you future self walks into the room. What does it want to tell you? How did it get where it is? What would it want to change about the path you're on? What would it say to comfort you and to remind you of your potential?  Take a deep breath Let it out slowly Feel your body move with the breath Take another breath, feeling your whole body move and respond. Notice your shoulders rise with the in breath, and your stomach shrink with the out breath. Each breath is a moment of freedom It's a moment to feel your body rising and falling as it responds to you. You choose to breathe, and so you breathe. Whenever you feel you've lost control, that you are no longer the director of your life, return to your breath. Only you can make you breathe. Only you can stop your breath. I choose now to breathe in. I choose now to breathe out. Each deep breath is a moment of your own design. You command yourself to breathe and so you breathe. Breathe in the freedom of this beautiful union between mind and body. Breathe in the intimacy that is shared only by your own Self. Breathe and know that freedom is always just a breath away. When you return to your breath, you return to your point of power. From there, you recenter with all the power, energy, and help that the whole Universe has available to you. You are powerful You are breathing as one with the Universe You are the Universe breathing I breathe in, the Universe breathes in I breathe out, the Universe breathes out I am the Universe Breathe and know that all is well. You got this. 
A few weeks ago, I felt guided to listen to The Golden Thread guided meditation every day for 40 days. I created this meditation over a year ago, and I play it from time to time, but this was the first time I got a specific message about it: try it for 40 days in a row and see what happens. I wasn't sure why, except for the knowing that doing something for 40 days can be a sacred and life changing experience. Now that I'm half way through it, I'm starting to understand what this is doing for me. Usually, when people play this meditation they have a vivid dream, either right after playing it or after a few listens. I'm 20 days in, and although I've had interesting dreams thus far, last nights' was one that really told me something special was happening. In the dream I had traveled somewhere else, somewhere I can't recall, only that it wasn't where I live. I had two choices: go back to where I was and what I had been doing, or follow whales as they swam around the earth. When I saw the whales I knew instantly, I would follow them, and I did. Watching them swim and traveling through the oceans was the most beautiful, open, free and happy dream I've had in a long time. I believe part of the reason this meditation creates vivid and interesting dreams is because the imagery works on very deep levels of the psyche. There is the conscious experience you have while you play it, what you feel in your body, and then there are subconscious things happening that unfold and reveal themselves over time. The meditation guides you to look up to see a large white cloud. Hanging from the bottom of the cloud is a large gold thread. The thread comes down from the sky, weaves through your entire body, and then drops into the soil, spreading out like roots. This is a very calming and serene experience, and one that will help you to feel supported and highly energized in the present moment. 
It also does something much more, something I had an idea about but wasn't totally sure of until I started this.
I am understanding now, this practice of weaving the thread through you is one that helps shift you from separation back into wholeness. It unites you with You. As the thread weaves in, you consciously and subconsciously reunite mind, body and spirit. This is a wonderful way to gently and lovingly bring your ego into balance, to help it feel loved, wanted, supported and part of something bigger. Many spiritual teachers will tell you that you must get rid of the ego. This comes from good intentions, as most of us have egos run amok. But to aim towards elimination will cause you more feelings of separation and turmoil in the long run. The ego is what focuses you in this world, and although it can take over like a monster truck with the gas pedal fully pushed down, trying to destroy it or eradicate it is like trying to destroy yourself. You are here as you for a reason, with unique gifts, insights, goals, and perspectives, and those shine through you because of your ego. You being you adds color to this world. Instead of trying to destroy your ego, your point of focus, what we want to do is lovingly bring it back into balance, and more so, we want it to surrender to our Higher Self so the two can work together. Getting your ego to work in harmony with your Higher Self will bring in feelings of peace, love and harmony like never before. Everything that makes you special, all of your dreams and desires, will come to fruition so much easier, and with so much more ease and grace. Weaving a gold thread through you does even more than bring your entire being back into harmony and balance. Visually, the thread comes from the sky and drops through you into the earth. It's bringing you into wholeness and connection with the Earth, the sky and the whole Universe. It truly returns you to a deep level of wholeness and connection on all levels. And all with ease and grace. You don't have to do anything except listen. In fact, the less you do the better, because this is about stepping away from control and into allowing. 
To experience this kind of connecting, or perhaps reconnecting, is something that will uplift and benefit your life in many ways.
It will help you to turn your troubles and worries over to be handled efficiently by your Higher Self, or I AM presence. It will help you to practice letting go of old stories and allowing in new and better things. It will help you to remember what you are, so that you feel better about yourself and your life. And it will do things that are unique to you, that personally benefit your life and your journey. The Golden Thread is 30 minutes long full or you can play the 12 minute abridged version. For the deepest healing experience, play the full one as much as possible. However, the abridged version was created to be just as powerful, and was created for this kind of experience - as something that can be used every day. If you do go on this 40 day journey, I would highly encourage you to keep a notebook by your bed to write down any dreams you have. They may not come every night, but there will be at least a few that you'll want to remember. I wish you love and light on your journey of self-exploration, expansion, deepening your connection to your I AM presence, and adventures in consciousness.
 There is no place where the Universe ends and you begin. And there is no place where you end and the Universe begins. You are the Universe. There is nothing you must do to prove your worthiness to your self. What created you loves you endlessly. There is nothing you have to do, or feel, or be in this life. Every feeling you have deepens the Universe's expression and expansion of itself. It feels what you feel. And it never judges. It just feels with you. You are the Universe. There is nothing more magnificent than you. If you would like to meditate and reflect on this further, I have a free ten minute meditation here. This meditation will take you on a journey to the cosmic core of your Self, connecting you to the power of the Universe within you.  Do you ever wish you had something that would help you fall asleep and assist your self-healing while you dream? If yes, I have a selection of meditations that can also be used as sleep tools. They are designed to release density, reprogram your thoughts, uplift your spirits, and more. They'll relax your mind and spirit and can lead to powerful and healing dreams. They are my longer meditations, and most have extended music on them that will continue to play after the meditation ends.  Every cell of my body is a cell flush with Divinity. There was never a moment I became divine. My divinity is infinite. It never started, and it can never end. I was created that way, and I shall always be that way. Nothing can change this, and if it seems it has, it's only an illusion. I was created from a single cell, and in that cell was all the cosmic love and magnificence of all the Universe. From that single, divine cell, I grew into hundreds, and then thousands, and then billions of cells. Each one divine. Each one created from the same Source as the first. Each one mystical. Each one as valuable and spectacular as the stars in the sky. With each cell, my Divinity expanded with me. When I took my first breath, I breathed as a divine being, and the Divine breathed with me. The Source of Creation did not stay in some parts and not others. There was no part of me that separated from the divine Source of all of that is. If it seems some parts are separate, it is only an illusion. There is divinity in every cell of my body. I am a holy temple. Each breath I take is a breath of divinity. There is nothing in the Universe more holy, more divine, than my own Self. There is divinity in every cell of my body  A common obstacle to having more ease and grace in our lives is believing we don't have time to pause and center. However, taking a moment while at your desk to focus on an uplifting, empowering thought could completely shift your day for the better. Below are some quick and easy mini-meditations to use for various situations. As you read a specific affirmation, slow down your breathing. Put your shoulders back, soften your face, and relax and ease into the words, letting them flow over you. You deserve a break. You deserve to feel good. This moment of ease is here for you. Take some slow, deep breaths, find the words you need, and read them a few times in your mind. Patience I release my need to rush and feel impatient, as that creates stress in my body. I am a beloved being who thrives when I am feeling my best. For my own highest good, I relax into the present moment. I ground into my heart and feel into the infinite wisdom there that tells me all is well. I slow down, breathe, and nourish my soul. I breathe in and restore my energy. I breathe out and release the stress. All is well. Abundance I am a cosmic being, infinite and connected to every star in the Universe. Abundance is as natural to me as a summer field full of wild flowers. Although I can't see it, I am connected to endless possibilities. With each breath, I am breathing with the energy of All That Is. I am taken care of, I am supported, and I am free to create my life anew in every moment.  Courage to Change Change is the most natural thing in the world to me. In every moment, I am breathing in a new breath. In every moment, my body is regenerating. There is nothing static about me. The world around me is changing too. Seeds are sprouting. Clouds are passing. The world is turning. I flow with it all, because change is the most natural thing in the world to me. In each moment, I am thinking new thoughts, and these thoughts will naturally evolve my life in brilliant and unimaginable ways. As I think, so do I change. It's so effortless, I hardly even notice I'm doing it. Strength There is a power inside of me that can never be broken or taken from me. It is the power that is in each atom of my body. It is the power that comes from knowing my atoms are connected to my source of creation. I was created from the mystical source of Love and Divinity that breathed life into the whole Universe. I am the Universe. There is nothing around me nor in this world that could ever overpower the Universe. I am the Universe. Deep down in my core, the primordial source of everything beats within my soul. This can never be taken from me, and it can never be destroyed. When I feel lost and alone, I return to that hot, pulsating source of life. It is within me now, beating with my own heart and whispering to me, I am the Universe. If you enjoy these affirmations, please share with others who might also!
 Winter Relaxation Meditation |
| When I breathe the Universe breathes. We are One. I am the Universe, and the Universe is me. There is no point where the Universe ends and I begin. When I breathe the Universe breathes. When I laugh the Universe laughs. When I cry the Universe cries. Everything I do, think, see and feel connects to everything else. I am that, and that is me. My breaths are nothing short of a miracle, for when I breathe, I breathe as one with a cosmic masterpiece. My joy, my sadness, my dreams and fears are notes in a cosmic symphony. Without me, the music would not be as rich, as dense, as complete. When I breathe, the Universe breathes. |  Photo by Kyle Cottrell on Unsplash If you'd like to meditate on this further, you might be interested in my guided meditation "I am the Universe, the Universe is me." It's a repeating mantra, and one of my most popular meditations. |
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What is left of the caterpillar in the butterfly?
Recently, someone shared the above quote with me.
When I read it, I had so many thoughts of what this means. I continued to sit with it, and the more I thought about it, the more meaning it had for me. I love how this question so perfectly captures the mystery and depth of change.
When we change, what is left of our former selves? We are made from it, and yet, is it a part of us? Or are we a part of it?
I hope you find some time to reflect and meditate on this question also. It brought me an unexpected feeling of comfort, while also revealing things to me I had felt, but had no words for.
This question also relates to one of my favorite mantras to meditate on, which I shared here.
When I read it, I had so many thoughts of what this means. I continued to sit with it, and the more I thought about it, the more meaning it had for me. I love how this question so perfectly captures the mystery and depth of change.
When we change, what is left of our former selves? We are made from it, and yet, is it a part of us? Or are we a part of it?
I hope you find some time to reflect and meditate on this question also. It brought me an unexpected feeling of comfort, while also revealing things to me I had felt, but had no words for.
This question also relates to one of my favorite mantras to meditate on, which I shared here.
I bought this gorgeous water color painting of Ganesha in Bali, about 6 years ago.
If you've ever been to Bali you know that art is highly celebrated there. Being an artist is a respectable pursuit and highly encouraged, which is a rare thing to find in this busy, modern world. Every other person you meet there is a highly skilled artist, which I imagine is also part of why Bali feels so healing to people's souls.
Art heals in so many ways.
The artist that made this painting was friends with a woman I was staying with. We sat together on the patio of my little room, which was connected to the rest of the home, setup as a traditional Balinese compound. I was in love with all his work, and along with this one, I bought one of the Goddess of education (forgive me but I forgot her name).
Ganesha is probably one of the most well known of the Hindu deities because of his association with removing obstacles.
If you're at work and can't close your eyes to meditate here's a nice idea: Click on the painting and it'll open to show the full thing. Relax your focus and breathe slow and deep as you look at the painting. Offer up any blocks or obstacles in your life to Ganesha.
Keep breathing deep until you get as close as you can to surrendering your challenges. Close the image and trust you've let it go, and it's being taken care of. Let it go and go on, coming back to Ganesha as often as you need.
I wish you a lovely day full of support and delightful surprises.
Hi! I'm Melissa.
I'm the creator of this website and its guided meditations. Grab a cup of coffee, relax, and take a deep breath. This space is here for you.
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