Surrender is a difficult thing. It feels like we're giving up control at the exact moment we need to be pulling the reins tighter. It feels counter-intuitive and even reckless. It can also feel downright impossible. When a huge problem is mounting in our life, our first instinct is to fix it. We want to do everything we can to change the course of things. However, this desire to do it all ourselves doesn't leave any room for the miracles and magic of the Universe. It only allows for things to come in from our own limited perspective. In order to get the support, guidance, and relief we need, we have to hand it over to a higher source. This higher source can see all available solutions. It can also see all the steps that will get us there and which step we must take next, even if it makes no sense in the moment. And if we're willing to trust and take it step by step, we can receive all that we've been asking for. Like everything in this life, surrender is a two way street. Whatever we do, the Universe does back. The Universe is our constant mirror. And so when we surrender, the Universe surrenders to us. When we're trying to fix it all on our own, we've got our heads down, focused only on what we can see in front of us. When we surrender, we throw our arms open and look up. We receive everything that's outside of our current problem. We open ourselves up to what's beyond our present reality. We open ourselves up to new ideas, new people, and to an entirely new reality. When we are consumed with a problem, perhaps debt, and all our thinking is revolved around getting out of debt, then all our focus is on DEBT DEBT DEBT. However, when we let go and surrender, we allow our energy to free up to other, more positive things. The Universe can only send back to us what we send out. In order to stop getting things related to debt, our focus has to shift off of it. Once you surrender, all the power and love of the Universe surrenders to you. Just imagine the forces that created galaxies rushing in behind you, lifting you up and carrying you forwards. This is the power of surrender. It's scary as hell as to let go and trust in something we can't see. But it's even scarier to find out what happens when we don't. If you're struggling to surrender, I would recommend trying a float tank. I've been a huge fan for years, and wrote about my first experience here. You might also like my guided meditation Surrender & Allow. It's deeply relaxing and done lying down on your back.
Comments
For years, I have found comfort in the phrase "What you seek is seeking you." It wasn't until recently that I realized that this phrase can be misleading. It does not reflect how the Universe works, or how we work with it. If it did, all people who are seeking a healthy, loving relationship would be in one. All people who seek wealth would be rich. And yet, there are people who yearn for a healthy, loving relationship and are in one toxic one after another. There are people who cannot break out of debt, despite wanting abundance more than life itself. Our desire for something absolutely does call that thing to us. But how we feel when we desire it, where our energy is focused - on the lack or the abundance - determines in what form it will show up. In other words, if you desire a thriving online business, but your energy is focused on debt and failure, you aren't going to attract success to you. It's not what you want that is delivered to you - it's what you are. What you are vibrating with is sent out like rings in a pond. They go out and out and out, find matches, and then flow back. If every fiber of your being is vibrating with fear, then your fear will be mirrored back to you through loss, bad luck, or even bankruptcy. However, if your inner self is radiating with the joy of creation, then it doesn't matter what's happening in your business - your joy will be reflected back to you. If, in your mind, you feel you've created something wonderful, and you're excited to share it, that excitement will return to you as customers, good reviews, and good luck. It doesn't matter what's happening (or not happening) because everything is in a constant state of flow and change. If things look grim, don't focus on that. It will simply amplify it and bring it back ten fold. Instead, get into the feeling of, Hell yes, this all worked out and I am the Queen of My Universe! And then walk around like you really are a queen or king, because when you're royalty, you know that energy bends to your will. You don't ever question how or when. You just straighten your crown and think, Thank you. I am so blessed. Thank you thank you thank you. Rather than telling ourselves, what you seek is seeking you, it would be more true to say what you feel is showing up all around you. There is nothing wrong with seeking and desiring things. It's what sets the gears in motion to eventually bring that thing to us. Feeling a strong impulse towards something inspires us to act in ways that will align us with our desire. But at some point, you have to let go of seeking it, because the seeking will continue to reinforce it's not there. At some point, you have to declare it's done and prepare for it's arrival. You must essentially believe you have it before you have it. You have to trust that all the unseen forces of the Universe are bringing it to you at this very moment. Because when you feel you have it, the rings of energy roll out of you, and everything that vibrates with YES to that will come back to you. Now put down that fear and pick up your royal scepter. I bow down to your greatness. You got this. Children live life with open hearts, passion, freedom and a deep sense of trust in life. They live in a way we slowly forget as we grow up, until one day we want to remember all that good and important stuff we lost. For me, this is never more true than when I think about the business my best friend and I started when we were 8. Way back then, we made hand crafted gifts (cards, jewelry, knitted bags) and sold them door to door. We had no sense then that what we were doing was brave and revolutionary. We had no idea we would grow up to be people that would simultaneously fear and crave that same sense of freedom, responsibility and leadership. We were truly masters of our own destiny, but this was nothing to be thought about. It was the only thing we knew. Sharing your own personal creations with the world can be terrifying. If you have tried to or are following your passion to its fullest extent, you understand how much it surprises me that this was so easy for me as a kid. There was no fear then. Only love and possibility. I have begun lately to reach back to those feelings that were full of love and excitement. Our business felt like a fun adventure, and that is why it was so easy for us to succeed (we sold a lot of stuff!). Below are the top four things my inner child taught me about living my business dreams and life in general: 1.) YES is just a door knock awayIf you think people bought things from us just because we were kids you'd be somewhat right. People did buy things from us, stuff I realized later they would never need nor did they really want. They did it because they wanted to support us - there is so much loving support in this world. However, for every person that wanted to cheer us on, there was one who was annoyed. Lots of people don't like to have their doorbells rung by strangers (even adorable young ones). They don't like to be bothered by earnest kids selling their homemade wares. They don't want to wonder what you really want, because when people come to your door, there's always that moment of suspicion. So they told us to go away. A lot. This, far from being discouraging, meant we were just at the wrong door. When someone slammed a door in our faces we didn't linger, wondering what had gone wrong. We ran with excitement to the next house. We didn't pause for one second to ask why they didn't like us and what we were offering. Why would we? Yes was just a door knock away. All we had to do was move on. So we did. As soon as we stepped away, we forgot the "no" and we talked about school, friends, life, and let each new door be that - a new door. 2.) You Get to Choose How You Feel About EverythingYou know those people I mentioned that told us to go away? Well one actually paid us money to go away and never come back. If someone paid me, as the person I am now, to stop what I'm doing I would be seriously shaken. I don't care how much money they gave me. I would feel deeply wounded, embarrassed and unsure of myself. Me as a kid though? Yeah that was totally awesome. If something had a shred of good in it, that was all I saw. I was not embarrassed by what had happened. I was THRILLED. I told EVERYONE. Why? Because he gave us TWO WHOLE DOLLARS. The average price point for our stuff was ten cents. The high end, this-took-a-long-time-to-make stuff cost a whole quarter. Paper money never touched our hands, only those precious coins. So when this person handed us dollar bills our eyes nearly bugged out of our heads. As soon as the man closed the door we turned to each other and laughed with delight. We were pumped because we would've had to have sold a lot of stuff to get that much money. And he just gave it to us! We never questioned if this meant we weren't worthy, if our products weren't worthy, if we should stop knocking on doors, or if we should feel bad we hadn't actually earned the money. All we saw was that something good had happened. That was all we needed to know. When we put those dollars in our jar full of nickels, dimes and quarters we were damn excited. It was not some signal people didn't want we had - it was a signal amazing things happen all the time. 3.) It Only Hurts If You Let ItSomething that has been so hard for me to relearn as an adult, with this business and my writing, is to take nothing personal. When someone leaves a mean comment, let it go. When someone doesn't understand my approach, let it go. As a kid, I never took people's reactions and rejections personal. Sometimes I even laughed. There was a time when we went to the house of a much older gentleman. He opened the door and saw we wanted to peddle our goods to him. Before we could even speak he began shouting at us. Now this man, being advanced in his years, had very loose skin around his neck. As he yelled and worked himself up, shaking his head in all his old man fury, this neck skin flapped back and forth. If this was me, and someone yelled at me like that, I would cower away. I would shrink and feel ashamed for trying to do what I do. As a kid? I stood in awe, watching the spiddle fly, and as soon as he closed the door... I laughed. We both did. All we saw was that neck flap. We laughed for hours, saying how his neck made him look like a turkey. Now, I want to be clear, I don't believe laughing at people is a good thing. I don't encourage making fun of others as a coping mechanism. What I mean to share here is that laughter in the face of adversity was our natural reaction. We did not laugh at that man because we felt joy and superiority in making fun of him. We laughed because the situation was funny to us. We chose what we wanted to take in from that moment. We had no interest in clinging to his angry yelling. All we wanted to remember, and all we did remember, was that he was the turkey man and he was funny. There will be many turkey people in your journey. Don't ever hold onto their angry ramblings. Don't ever put their opinion above your own. Just know that you can choose to be hurt and dejected by what they say, or you can choose to walk away, laugh and know that YES is just a door knock away. 4.) There Will ALWAYS Be People Who Want You To Do What You DoAs adults, we tend to get focused on all the no's. We obsess over the people who gave us two dollars to go away and never come back. We put all of our value and meaning in the turkey people who yell at us and want to make us feel wrong and bad.
The most valuable thing I learned from my childhood business is that there are always people who are so glad you do what you do. They thank God that you showed up on their doorstep to brighten their day with your unique gifts. No matter how many people were annoyed with our door to door business, there was always someone who was so glad we showed up. I know because I could see it in their eyes. I could see it in the way they looked at each thing in our cardboard box, treasuring the time they had with us. I could tell in the way they talked about how special our cards and yarn bags were. These were the people we lived for. We didn't have to remind ourselves of it. It was just obvious - these people matter. These were generally the people who were home all day, mostly older people. But it wasn't only lonely retirees who loved us. There were younger people dressed sharp, who perhaps worked from home or who had gone home on a break. They were sometimes the most excited, perhaps because we reminded them of their own entrepreneurial spirit. Or perhaps it was simply because they were having a bad day and we distracted them from it for a moment. The why doesn't matter. All that matters is we showed up. There will always be people who are annoyed with you and what you do. But you can't live for them. Because there are also always going to be people who are so full of joy and gratitude for you that you won't even be able to understand it. There will be people who's doorbell you ring at just the right moment, and you put a smile on their face, and they are so glad you are you, out doing what you do. Don't miss out on being a gift for someone who is looking for you. You might doubt those people are out there, and perhaps that's because you're too focused on being something for everybody. No one can do that - and no one is meant to, because we are meant to work together, each sharing our own unique piece of the pie. The idea that nothing is true except what we comprehend is silly, and that ideas which our minds cannot reconcile are mutually destructive, sillier still. Certainly nothing could be more repulsive to our minds and feelings than the spectacle of thousands of millions of universes - for that is what they say it comes to now - all knocking about together for ever without any rational or good purpose behind them. I therefore adopted quite early in life a system of believing whatever I wanted to believe, while at the same time leaving reason to pursue unfettered whatever paths she was capable of treading. - Winston Churchill, My Earl Life As soon as I got in the gym spa I knew he wanted to say something to me. I sat quietly and closed my eyes, radiating as best I could, “I would like to be left alone.” When the only other person in the spa left the feeling intensified. He was going to engage in conversation and I was going to feel obligated to politely respond. As soon as he spoke it was worse than I had anticipated. His question chaffed against me. It was the last thing I wanted to talk about. “I just want to know,” he began, “how do you feel about Donald Trump?” I opened my eyes and looked at him. I immediately felt cornered and like there was no right answer. Whether or not we agreed on our views, I was going to be trapped discussing something I desperately wanted a break from. For the entire time prior, while running on the treadmill, all I saw were news feeds discussing the latest Donald Trump scandal. Each side was analyzing it in its own way, and as usually happens these days, without any middle ground. I couldn’t wait until I got in the outdoor spa where I could soak my muscles and, for a short period of time, forget all the troubles of the world. “I ask this of everyone,” he said, without waiting for me to respond. “So what do you think of him?” While wishing I had the guts to say “I don’t feel like having this conversation” I gave a few short sentiments on my views. He took this in and then began a long winded, tangent-filled response on his own opposing views. All the while, I struggled with the knowing that I was rejecting my own desires in order to make him feel comfortable. As he ranted onwards I tried several times to get my perspective in. If I was going to politely set aside my own comfort then I at least wanted to have a decent conversation. He had a different idea, however, and he continually cut me off and spoke over me. I bristled at his condescending tone while asking myself how I could end this. I didn’t want to continue my past need to make someone else comfortable out of fear that I might come across as rude. I also didn’t want to repeat my old habit of simply leaving with a polite, “Okay, thanks, I have to go now.” Why should I leave? I was in the spa for a reason. It was my right to enjoy it without being bothered. Eventually, I grew impatient and thanked him for opening a dialogue. However, I continued, he was talking at me, not with me. I didn’t appreciate being preached at. For a split second we both sat in disbelief. He apparently wasn’t expecting that, and I have never spoken up to a stranger in this way. Particularly a stranger I’m sharing a small space with, which usually intensifies my need to be polite. The moment passed and he dove back in, telling me how he was more educated and knowledgeable than me when it came to this stuff. Still unwilling to ask him to leave me alone, I asked, “How could you possibly know that? I’ve barely said anything!” He was again momentarily caught off guard. This clearly wasn’t going how he wanted. We were either meant to get into an argument or I was meant to sit silently while he “educated” me. Shrugging off my cues that I was done with this he said, “Okay, go ahead. Tell me what you think.” I then did something that shocked me. I said no. I refused to engage further. I did what felt comfortable for ME. My exact words were, “No. I’m good.” I was surprised with the ease with which it came out. “I just want to sit here quietly,” I continued. I looked him right in the eye, and in a strong yet kind voice said, “We can enjoy this space together. But quietly.” I then closed my eyes, leaned back and breathed deep. The silence was euphoric. I knew it was making him uncomfortable, but what could I do? He’d made the choice to put me in that position, and as an autonomous being full of self-love, I had every right to respond in whichever way I chose. He soon after left. After he was gone I reflected on what had happened. I thanked him for showing up and showing me I can be polite while also honoring my own needs. I thanked him for reminding me I’m stronger than I realize and I can stand up for myself. My honesty may have given him a moment to reflect on his behavior also. Or he may have just decided that I’m rude and felt nothing more. This fear of being perceived as rude is what always stopped me from doing this before. But the irony is, when you shut up and smile politely you are being rude – to yourself. And you’re allowing someone to be rude to you, to take over your time and space without considering you. We are not required to be martyrs to other people’s social disgraces. We do not have to diminish, hide nor silence ourselves in order to make someone else feel comfortable. We do not have to smile at offensive jokes. We do not have to sacrifice our personal space in order to make someone else feel good. We also aren't expected to argue with people, defend ourselves or prove anything. We do not have to engage and be baited into what is ultimately someone's need for attention and validation. You have every right to say thank you but I'd like to be left alone. The only thing expected of us is to be aware of the feelings that we radiate, which are powerful forces in this world. I’m now choosing not to engage in things that ultimately end in me radiating frustration, resentment and disempowerment. Instead, I'm choosing love, which may require a bit more honesty and less people pleasing, but ultimately sets us all free. Every morning after I wake up, I tell myself the Universe loves me. I say it in my mind, slow and soft. The Universe loves me. As I wake up more, I take some deep breaths. I then remind myself that everything in this Universe was created from one source. I remind myself that this is more than a spiritual philosophy, but a fact. The entire Universe, at one time, was compacted down into one primordial atom. Everything that the Universe would be was in that atom. It all exploded outwards in what we call the Big Bang, and as those original elements sped outwards they crashed into each other, creating new elements, and fusing together to become stars. From those stars, even more fusing and birthing happened, and somehow, in stars that died billions of years ago, a chain of events began that would lead to me. The Universe loves me. I remind myself each morning of the cosmic beauty of this world and this Universe. This Universe that I am a part of. I remind myself of the vastness, of the power of it all, and how it's all love. It all came from one source. It always has been love. Always will be. And all of that out there, it sees me with as much wonder, awe and love as I see it. And then I remind myself, that every single person who walks on this Earth was created from that love also. The Universe loves me. And all the people with me? They're the Universe too. In the same way I look out at stars and see the Universe, what's out there can look back at us and see the Universe also. So if the Universe loves me, and people are the Universe, then everyone in this world must love me also. The Universe loves us. Which isn't to say everyone likes me. Nor that everyone approves of me or even wants me here. That's a different subject all together. It's only to say that within each person is a cosmic love, a love tied to the primordial atom from which everything originated. The essence of every person is tied to creation, and that creation is love. People are love. People are the Universe. The Universe loves me. Then I remind myself that every tree I see, every strip of concrete, every house, every bird, every star in the night sky, it all came from that same powerful, intensely hot and mystical singular source of energy and matter.
It all came from that one source of love, and it all loves me, because it all is love. It's not that the trees and the birds choose to love me. They just are love. They were once the Oneness as much as I was. It's all love. Love is radiating from the core of everything. It's up to me whether I decide to focus on that or not. I used to wake up and focus on worry. I worried about what negative things people would say. If they would like my creative projects. If they would yell at me and make me want to retreat inside of myself. I worried people would offer me opportunities, only to decide later I wasn't good enough and then rip them away. I worried about things hurting me, physically and emotionally. I looked out at the world and the Universe and I did not see love. I saw only things to be afraid of. When that worry starts to creep back in, I breathe in I am the Universe, and I breathe out The Universe is Me. The Universe loves me. It also loves you, and you are love. Which means, because you, at your core are love, you naturally attract love to you. It's harder for you to conjure up thoughts and feelings that reject love because that's like swimming up a river. So if you aren't feeling the love, if you're feeling sad, afraid or worried, take a deep breath, and know, the Universe loves you. Everyone and everything around you, in its cosmic core, loves you. Relax, let go and fall inwards to your core, into the love. It's already there. Breathe into it. The Universe loves me. |