This Tuesday will be July's full moon. Full moons are generally a time we feel called to release and shed.
Things that just keep butting up against us start to put pressure on us. You can no longer tolerate the fact that you're wishing you'd eat healthier but keep making excuses not to do it. You're fed up with that person that keeps over stepping their bounds. You're fed up with the weight of all that disappointment over what didn't work out. You're fed up with feeling stuck. And as the full moon grows closer and closer the desire to make an inner scream floods up.
I know that feeling well. Sometimes I really do scream when I feel that pressure inside of me. I grab a pillow and I yell into it as loud and as long as I can. If this sounds crazy it's because you haven't tried it. It feels really good (but please use a pillow - you don't want your neighbors to think you're being murdered). It's a feeling of pure and complete release. The vibration goes out through my chest, through my throat, and physically exits me.
And then it's gone. And I can breathe again.
Ahhhh yes. Release. Sweet release.
But turning that corner and knowing it's all behind me can be a real beast. As this full moon comes up I'm feeling the need to release looking outside of myself for permission. I'm always looking for permission outside of me to feel good about what I do.
I do this in many ways. I'm always waiting for people to validate to me my meditations are good. I'm always waiting for someone to give me permission to say I run my own website. I'm always looking for someone to say, "Okay, you did this, you crossed this line. Now you can tell people you're a writer."
I never give myself permission from within. I never think, "I love this so much I made it my life."
Isn't that enough? I mean if I'm doing it, what more permission do I need? Isn't it crazy that's not enough?
I mean it's crazy and it's not. Because I know we all do this. We're all waiting for that THING that says it's okay to be who or what we want. When all we need is to pull it up from within, radiate it out, and then the world will reflect it back. It always begins within. Such a bugger that is because it can make me spin in circles. I cannot get that feeling inside of me until someone tells me something is good enough. I need someone outside of me to say, "Please keep doing what you do," and then I think, "Oh okay, now it's okay. Now I can continue."
So now I'm letting that go. I'm releasing all of that need for external validation.
I'm giving myself permission to feel and think and be what I want.
I suppose that's what we're all looking for on some level. So maybe with this full moon you'll give yourself permission also. Permission to just be. For a little help with that inner shift here's a guided visualization I made last year: The Universal Grid. It's a ten minute meditation that will connect you to the energy of the solar system, the moon, and then right back into your own heart. It's designed to empower you, open you up and shift something within you.
Happy moon gazing everyone.