There's a phrase that's going around the spiritual and motivational world right now. It's something to the effect of, "I'm no longer willing to play small," or "I'm not going to dim my light in order to make others feel more comfortable," or some combination of those two.
I always liked these phrases, but it wasn't until I had an experience of being in a truly expanded, big and bright state that I understood them. From my experience I realized that first of all, we're not grasping the meaning of these correctly, and secondly, breaking free and through the fear is more challenging than I expected.
What most of us take this to mean is that we're not going to hold ourselves back from living our dreams. We're not going to be afraid to stand out and share ourselves and our truth through various means. To me, before, it meant I wouldn't be afraid to follow my heart and my passions. For many people, this phrase is also associated with money. It can mean something like not being afraid to know your worth and work with high end clients, or to sell a lot of what you have, and then going forward BIG and BRIGHT and having a huge client and fan base. Essentially, to many people, it means people know who you are and what you're all about.
The thing is, however, is that these concepts of big are coming from a small place. They are what we perceive to be big before we get big. And when I say big I mean really big, the kind that scared me after I experienced it.
For me, the experience happened spontaneously... sort of. Looking back, I can see I've been taking steps all along to prepare me to go into this. My first step into this was telling myself I don't need fear. I released the fear of living without fear. This is a sticking point for a lot of people, and I would like to ask, right here and now, what are your reasons for being committed to holding onto fear?
Is it because you think you'll do crazy and stupid things without it? Do you think you'll run into traffic? Do you associate fear with a survival instinct? Here's the thing - that's learned. We learn we need fear. You don't need it. The main reason people hold onto it is because everyone else does, it's what "normal" people do. For many of us, the biggest fear is to be so different, so weird, so profoundly grounded in our otherness that no one will relate to us, no one will like us, and we will be alone. Totally alone, emotionally and physically, and then life will suck because even the biggest introvert needs people.
Let me reassure you that you can release fear and still have friends and people who love you. Now let me go further and tell you that you can release fear and live a beautiful life, a passionate life, because fear inhibits passion, and I promise you, you will still be you. Believing you NEED fear in order to be a rational and intelligent person undercuts your faith in yourself.
How can I so firmly believe I don't need fear? Because I have faith in myself. I have faith that when I look off of a high building my mind and my body will communicate to tell me that jumping will kill me. I trust in my mind to analyze a situation and make rational decisions. I also trust in my intuition, in my gut feelings, to tell me when something is wrong.
I have zero belief that losing fear will make me stupid, reckless or disconnected from people. Essentially, I trust in myself. I trust in the guidance that is always with me. I trust love is a bigger connector than fear, and without fear I will not be alone because I'm different, but surrounded by love because I will then be love. Trust is crucial to shifting into the big place. Trust is the key. Without trust, we are forever trying to control. To go there, to the place we're all dancing around but not quiet grasping, you must be in a state of love. To be in a state of love... you must release the fear.
Trust and let go and you will experience what I did, the thing that, despite my best attempts here, is beyond words. The place where you no longer play small, but instead play with the whole Universe.
At this point I know I can't go any further without at least trying telling to you what I felt. What is this thing I'm talking about? Let me share it, and I want you to keep in mind that no matter what anyone tells you, this is available to everyone. When it comes to expanding and reaching higher states of consciousness, we are all equal. You do not have to do anything to reach this state, only be open to it, because this is already inside of you.
It began with me feeling something was trying to happen, I felt strange all day. I could feel this inner struggle, and a part of me just charged in and commanded I stop holding up the whole process. Which "I" was holding up the process? And what process? I didn't know what would happen, only that the "I" was the small me, what's sometimes called the ego, and that it was so desperate to resist change that it was refusing what was trying to happen. So I finally surrendered, but not by bullying my ego, or telling it to shut up and let this happen. I simply reassured it, let it know all parts of me are in this together, nothing is ever left behind, and what exists now exists eternally. Even if my ego dies, it will forever exist because everything exists at once.
This, somehow, allowed the pins to click into place and things moved forward. And it happened.
It came upon me suddenly. In a moment I went from how I normally feel, which if you can attempt to tune into your energy, feel what it is. Is it sitting within your body? Does it feel as if it extends beyond it? For me, sitting here writing this, the answer is no, I do not extend beyond my body. I'm here, compressed into me, and this feels normal. So normal I would have never even noticed it before.
But when I shifted, I expanded out beyond my body, until I felt twice as big. I had never before felt or even imagined I could be within and beyond my body at the same time. My energy literally became BIG. And this is why I say we've misunderstood that phrase about no longer playing small. It's not about doing something, it's about BEING something. You literally become bigger than you are now. You become so big that you begin to play with higher dimensions. With All That Is. With every particle of the Universe. You are connected to everything.
And once you expand like this, your light then automatically radiates out bigger and brighter. There is no other way. Because this expansion, it comes from the heart level. The only way to get there is through the heart. You cannot think your way there. It must come from within your inner world, the world that is and always has been connected to your higher self, higher dimensions, and All That Is. There is a part of you connected to all of this, right now.
When I expanded, this part of me came down through me, and we became one. I become One with my Higher Self, and the difference was palpable. I could feel I was complete love. Fear wasn't even a concept. It didn't exist in this state. I knew what fear was - but because I was entirely love, in every way, in every part of me, and because I was connected to the Love I am above, the love was so intense that it just was. There was no space for something other than love. Love was it. This was the best part.
I also felt in touch with my personal power in a way I've never known before. I no longer doubted my creative projects. I no longer felt fear of putting myself and my work out there - this came naturally with this state. I could just feel that I am an integral part of the Universe, and the things I do are essential to the growth of the Universe. As I create, share, exist and live the Universe expands. I felt, I didn't just believe, but I felt how important I am to the Universe. This stands true for everyone. You are Love. You are vital to the Universe. You are connected to an inner power that has no desire to over power others, but instead wants to experience how it dances with the Universe, with All That Is, with the infinite energy that exists above and is always available.
It's just a matter of allowing yourself to bring it forth. To emanate so big and bright you will undoubtedly be different. And people will notice, because your energy will not be pressed into right around your body, but will instead come out several feet around you in all directions. Will it make them uncomfortable? I don't know, because it made me uncomfortable. The feeling, when I was in it, was both amazing, rich, bright, and powerful, but also a bit unsettling. It was just so completely foreign, and so unknown to me, that I couldn't stay in it. I never had a chance to see how others reacted. In a way, I wasn't ready, and I needed to do this for the first time somewhere private.
But after I came back down, I knew, I had to go back. I had to figure out how to get through my fears and concerns over embracing this expanded state. For the most part, it's the fear of the unknown. I have dabbled with this kind of feeling in meditation, but to actually live in this feeling, to have it be my natural state as I walk around in life, was something I hadn't even considered I might want.
Right now, I'm embracing the idea that I can and will go back. I'm leaning into it. I'm putting my arms out, closing my eyes, falling backwards and trusting I will be caught. I want to go back, because I know this is the next natural step for me. I hope this isn't the last post I write on this. I didn't even say all I wanted to about what I felt, because there is much more to share on what happens when we shift into our biggest and brightest selves. So when I go back to it, I will share more, and I will remind you again that when it comes to expanding, to stepping into the biggest and brightest light possible, we are all equal, and we are all able to go there as soon as we feel ready.