I have been working through this fear, and I know it's a fear a lot of people struggle with. It's the fear of putting my work, my creations, my passions out to the world, and then realizing I did not make the world a better place. This is a fear I face from both an artistic and an entrepreneurial standpoint. I know that other artists feel this fear, and those that create a business, a dream from within of what they know is their unique gift, they share in this fear too.
In our hearts, we all want to believe that our creations will add color to the spectrum of life. We hope that our works spark something in people. Something that might start a conversation that needs to be had. Something that lights a fire in someone else, a person who was experiencing their own inner fire dimming of life. Something that wasn't there before, and because we breathed life into it, it has spread wings and flown right where it was supposed to.
We hope and we pray that what we create will enrich the world. That it reaches people and they think, Yes... thank you. That's exactly what I needed.
But deep down, I am always fearful that what I create will be more of a dark stain. It's the fear that says I won't get it right, I'll upset people, I'll even hurt people by sharing something that sounded good to me, but came across more like I let my dog take a shit in their yard. Yeah, I know, I should not compare my work to dog shit.
But sometimes I do, and telling myself over and over to believe in myself and think positive can get frustrating. Downright annoying when it's not helping. And really, truly, when I'm feeling alone and lost, it just pisses me off.
It makes me feel the energy within me closing down, the doors of my inner world slamming shut, as I wrestle with this doubt and fear.
So instead of reverting to what hasn't worked, which is the repeating of, "I am good, I am worthy," I have begun working on a new way to work through this fear. And I know I will work through it. I know because I have made a choice to, and I know that's all life is. Choices. One after another.
I choose to feel this fear.
I choose to acknowledge it's here.
I choose to look at this fear and say hello.
I choose to to look at this fear and say goodbye.
Goodbye fear. I chose to create you, for many reasons that seemed logical at the time. And now I choose to release you.
What I choose to focus on instead is the love.
Hello Love. I've missed you. I choose to hold you so tight now you and I become one, and you're all I know.
It always comes back to this. To choosing the love over the fear.
When the fear is taking over, I remind myself that behind every desire and intention I have is love. I am not trying to create from a place of anger or hate. When I envision one of my screenplays being made into a movie, I feel excitement for the actors and hope that the patrons enjoy the movie. I don't create these visions with the intention that my vision destroy someone else's life. But this is exactly the kind of thing that seeps in.
I begin to wonder, what if my script is made, and the movie bombs? What if I ruin someone's career? What if people lose a lot of money on my idea?
And then I stop myself. I stop and refuse to let this train chug even an inch further. I stop, I breathe, and I remind myself, my intentions come from a place of love. First of all, because I am love. If I am love, if I am created from the same Universe that I pray to every night, the Universe that I believe with my whole being is an infinite source of love, then how could I ever dream something up that isn't, at it's core, love?
I AM LOVE.
Love is powerful. If love is behind everything I do, then all of my worries really are unfounded. All I'm sharing is love. All I'm doing is adding more love to the world.
It's just little ole me reaching into myself, to my divine inspiration, my connection to my higher self, and pulling back things I flow into the world. Which is actually kind of amazing.
Love is God. Love is the angels that hold you when you cry. Love is the feeling of expansion. Freedom. Happiness. Love is everything good, and if love is good, then what I create, no matter how it's received by other people, is and always will be good.
There is no need to fear my creations and dreams. They are love. I am love. You are love.
We're all love, and it's all good.