I have recently begun to sit with the feelings of love and support. I sit with my hands on my heart, close my eyes, and ask myself, "What does it feel like to be loved and supported?"
When I do so, I feel an immediate discomfort. A sense of intense emptiness and almost pain. When I reach for the love and support, all I feel is sadness and loneliness welling up. I feel a lot of negativity and darkness. What I do not feel is the love and support.
I cannot even reach for what it feels like.
The first time I realized this, all I could bring up in me were tears. Each time I asked myself "What does it feel like to be loved and supported?" I just started crying. I was discouraged by this, but then began to realize if I want to feel love and support, and to know what it feels like, I have to release what's blocking it. For me, crying is always a form of release, particularly for stuck and blocked energy.
Even though it felt extremely uncomfortable, I kept reaching inside of me. I kept asking myself "What does it feel like to be loved and supported?" I knew it was important to keep going, because in this Universe, everything begins within. If I want to see love and support in my life, in a tangible, physical way, then I first need to experience it energetically.
What we feel within we experience without.
The fact that I had no idea what love and support felt like really surprised me because I have done a lot of work on my self-love, self-value, and self-worth. I felt like I was at a really good place internally. I have slowly learned how to listen to, acknowledge, and honor my feelings. When I begin spiraling into negative self-talk, I give myself love and compassion. I can give myself love and support, but when I ask myself what it feels like to receive it from others, I just end up feeling like I'm drowning in a dark ocean.
As I sit with it more, I realize that self-love is not the same thing as allowing myself to receive love and support from others. These two things come from different parts of my identity and sense of my place in the world. Surprisingly, it's much easier for me to allow my own love in than it is external love. You may feel the opposite, because this all comes down to what we experienced growing up.
If you too are struggling to feel loved and supported in your life, I suggest trying this exercise. Try sitting with your hands on your heart, taking some deep breaths, and then asking yourself "What does it feel like to be loved and supported?" If it feels too uncomfortable, give yourself some compassion and know you can stop at any time. And then remind yourself that by seeing the discomfort, you have taken a step in a new direction. You have done something you hadn't done before, and that's huge. Every healing begins with a single step, and each step is equally valid and important.
When I finally got through my tears and discomfort, and began reaching into love and support, here is what came up for me:
Love and support feels buoyant. It feels light and expansive. It feels like sunlight is radiating from within me. It feels like there is a sun within me, and golden light is pouring out and lighting up the space around me. It feels like I am open and boundless and connected to the whole Universe. It feels like I am seen, really seen. It feels like I am acknowledged. It feels like I exist and I am a part of this world. It feels like I go from being in the background to stepping into center stage of my life."
Sometime in the coming weeks, I'm going to make a meditation on Love and Support for The Healing Sanctuary. This is a monthly meditation subscription with over 90 audios for relaxation, healing, manifesting and more. In the meantime, I invite you to enjoy a meditation I previously made that will take you into your own private garden for healing and reflection.
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