Many years ago, a friend told me about a documentary called Kumare. It was about a man who wanted to examine and expose the concept of gurus. Is there truly something divine about gurus? Or are they merely self-aggrandizing people whose perception of reality is distorted in their own favor?

Vikram Ghandi, the creator of this documentary, decided that there was only one way to find out. He would try to become a guru, and if he could do it, then perhaps it would prove that gurus are in no way gifted with divine, god-like energy. They are just people who, for whatever reason, believe in their own ability to shine.

And it's this very thing - the ability to radiate so brightly from within that people are drawn to you - Vikram wanted to prove is within everyone. His intention wasn't so much to expose that gurus are fake, but to help everyone realize they are as spiritual, wise, and worthy as the gurus. The only difference is, the non-gurus haven't learned how to believe in themselves.

When I first watched this movie, I was all in with what Vikram was doing. I was already feeling wary of the side of spirituality that can be dark and exlpoitative. I was aware of several current "gurus" who are really cult leaders, and also of a spiritual retreat that had ended in manslaughter charges due to the reckless and narcissistic behavior of the out of control leader.

I felt the film was thought provoking and did a good job of reinforcing the message it was trying to say. I left it feeling Vikram had done well, and that his work was an excellent contribution to the conversation around spirituality, healing, and faith work.

However, upon recent reflection, I began to feel different. I began to feel I hadn't been compassionate enough to the people who were conned by Vikram. In truth, I hadn't even seen them as being conned. I saw them more as accidental participants in a much needed experiment. I can see now how my need to feel an emotional distance from them sprang from my need not to see myself reflected in them.

The people who showed up to meet and interact with Vikram were in a vulnerable and trusting place. They were sometimes in great pain, and they were looking for a way out. They were not looking to feel duped, which in truth, would only increase their pain and sense of unworthiness.

And I myself was often drowning in deep, bottomless pain then. I couldn't get a hold on my anxiety. I hated everything I did and almost everything about myself. I often wanted to escape my own self, and this inability to be at peace with myself had led me to continuously seek relief and answers. I  was constantly looking for answers outside of myself, whether that be in teachers, writers, speakers, or energy healers. I was desperate for someone to tell me my unhappiness could be resolved externally. In truth, all I needed, all I ever needed, was to look inside and just say, "I accept you as you are."

When I watched Kumare again, I could see how, at any given time in my life, I could be the person who was being set up for the "gotcha!" moment. Had I come across Vikram while I was desperately seeking relief, I very well could have been the person in the film that others were watching with disbelief at their gullibility.

And I would have been angry. I would have felt betrayed. I would not have responded with warmth and acceptance in support of the bigger picture. I think it would have torn me up inside, which is hard to admit, because I really do believe it's a good documentary.

How then do I reconcile my knowledge that I myself wouldn't want to be subject to this, while recognizing this film helped me and continues to help me?

I thought maybe by rewatching the film I'd find some clarity. However, when I got to the end, I did not have a clearer sense of yes, this was a good thing, or no, this was wrong. It's a complicated concept, made more nuanced as Kumare, or Vikram, begins to question what he's doing as the film progresses.

I will say, on this viewing I felt much more empathy for the people who became followers of Kumare. Whereas before, I felt almost snide about their need to feel special through a connection to him, this time I just felt that they were honest and kind people searching for a sense of purpose and belonging. I believe my compassion for them is a reflection of my growing compassion for myself. I don't judge them now because I don't judge myself as much. My evolving inner acceptance and self-love allowed me to see myself in these people, not in an embarrassing way where I had to self-consciously laugh at myself, but in a loving and humbling way.

At the same time, it's also a fascinating journey through the power of belief. If you can make people believe something works, and thereby help them to heal, is it wrong you know you made it up? Why is belief so powerful? What is the mind truly capable of? 

All in all, I believe it's a film worth watching and discussing. It will give you a lot to think about. It's also a great film to watch with skeptics and non-believers, as you will probably feel both your sides are validated and have a lot to talk about. I know it did for me, considering I'm still thinking and writing about it all these years after I first saw it.

And for those that saw Kumare teach the "Blue Light" meditation in the film, I have made a version of it! I was so curious what I would feel, as it seemed to have a profound effect on people, that I couldn't resist exploring it for myself. Now that I've made a real meditation inspired by a fake guru, does that mean Kumare was actually a real guru? Who knows. I believe the answer is different for everyone. You can find out more about my Blue Light meditation here. And you can currently find the Kumare documentary on Tubi.
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​When it comes to imposter phenomenon, or as it's more commonly known, "imposter syndrome", I often feel a sense that someone else belongs more than me. For example, with these meditations, I will often feel someone has done it better or will do it better, and I just don't belong in the arena at all.

I feel like I should be on the outside, looking in at the people who are doing it right. I feel as if I'm going to be grabbed by my shoulders, shaken, and demand an explanation as to why I thought I, of all people, believed I was good enough to do this.

The funny thing is, I don't ever fear this should happen to other people. I don't question if other people should make meditations or workbooks. I don't question if they're valid. It's as if this only applies to me, and I'm the only fraudulent person in a sea of qualified "real" people.

The even funnier thing is, nearly everyone else feels this way too. So if we all feel like we're the imposter, and surely everyone else is good enough, where exactly are all these so-called overly qualified people?

The topic of imposter phenomenon came up for me today as I listened to a podcast on NPR. As they said, it was originally coined as "imposter phenomenon" and not syndrome, because syndrome applies it's something that can be diagnosed and cured.

Does that mean there's no cure to this often-times crippling feeling? At the time time, no. There's no cure. But there are tools a person can learn to manage it. And if you can manage it, you can still go after all those goals and dreams.

What really helped me, was to reshift what I wanted my end result to be. I let go of the need to be perfect (which is really a need to avoid criticism), and let the new goal to be satisfied. Now, my goal is not to be perfect. Or to be the best. Or to arrive knowing everything. My goal is to do a good job, and to know I did the best I could.

This sounds simple, but it really did feel like a huge weight fell off as I thought about it. Once I let go of perfectionism, and gave myself permission to aim for my own self-defined version of complete, I felt much freer and lighter. I also felt as if I was operating within realisitic parameters, and not setting myself up for failure.

And I believe it's this fear of falling short of perfect that leads to the feeling of being an imposter. I have let go of the need to show up being the best, because honestly, what is the point of life if I start at the finish line? I'm now giving myself permission to grow and learn and explore my creations through my own unique learning process. And through that process, I have no doubt I'll create far better work than anything I would've done that was "perfect."

I've put the episode of NPR below. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

I recently revised and updated my Crown Chakra Healing package. While doing so, I replaced an old meditation (one of the first ones I ever made!) with a brand new one. This new meditation is definitely one of my favorites, and I've even been playing it to fall asleep at night.

The Golden Ball meditation will deeply connect you to your Higher Self while bringing healing into your mind and body. It's very soothing and can be used for relaxation, healing and deep meditation. Right now, there are two lengths included - a 15 minute version and a 25 minute version. I'm planning on adding a 1 hour version for anyone else who uses it as a sleep aid. If you buy now, you will automatically be updated when I add that.

With the two versions, you'll be able to choose between a lighter and deeper meditation experience. When I add the one hour version the price will go up slightly. Click the button below to learn more and purchase this powerful meditation!

If you don't already have a meditation practice, there is no better time than now to start one. If you do have one, this article will help you to deepen your understanding of how important it is. It will also help you to share with others why you meditate and believe it is part of an overall healthy life.

Study after study has shown that people who meditate regularly have reduced inflammation, higher white blood cell counts, lower blood pressure and healthier gene expression (their genes literally changed as they practiced meditation). If you feel you are more susceptible to this virus due to genetics, high blood pressure, or inflammation, grab the nearest pillow and start meditating. 

If you've never meditated before, the Calm app has a wonderful step by step introduction program. You can also find thousands of free meditations on the Insight Timer app and YouTube. You can also explore my selection of guided meditations here.

As we enter Spring, I have been reflecting on new beginnings and fresh starts. One thing that I love about the feeling of new is feeling connected to my intuition. I love that feeling of being guided, of following a path I can't see but that a higher power has laid out for me.

In order to help you embrace the new as well as your intuition, I have created the The Third Eye Chakra Healing package. This powerful package contains 5 guided meditations, Third Eye chakra affirmations, and a Third Eye sound healing audio. You'll also get a 13 page workbook that covers what chakras are and how to heal and balance your third eye.

This package is available for instant download. You can learn more about it and sample all the meditations by clicking the button. You can also preview the Third Eye Chakra meditation below.

​I have recently discovered the Meditative Story podcast and I am so happy I did so. If you ever find yourself looking for a mindfulness-inspired story you can listen to while walking, driving, or just sitting around listening to the rain on the window, this is it.

I have long wished for something I could listen to that would hit that sweet spot of being uplifting and centering without being either too calming or too active. I wanted to listen to something that would calm my mind without being so calming I'd fall asleep while driving. I also wanted something that was a more immersive and interactive experience than a one on one interview.

I have found just what I was looking for in Meditative Story. It reminds me of what I felt when I began listening to Imagined Life (another fantastic immersive podcast I highly recommend!). When I began listening to Imagined Life I felt transported into the highs and lows of different people's journeys. I loved feeling as if I was overcoming my fears and limitations with them as they took me through their triumphs and defeats.

Meditative Story is different than Imagined Life, and you will have to listen to both to see which one truly fits you. One of the main differences is that Meditative Story is narrated by the storyteller, where as Imagined Life has its own narrators. 

You can try an episode of Meditative Story below. I chose this one because David Duchovny's voice is so perfect for this type of thing. So far, I have loved every episode I have played. I have found that they help me to face my own problems, as each one navigates something we can all relate to - fear, loss, vulnerability and so on. And when I'm stuck in traffic, I hardly notice as I breathe, relax, and fall into a moment of blissful mindfulness.
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Below is a little bit from the meditativestory.com website. If you want to try out this groundbreaking mindfulness experience, you can find them on Spotify, Apple, and Google podcast.